


Unrelated Spander SongFics

by malome78



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:23:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 26,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3530942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malome78/pseuds/malome78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bar Crawl

Summary: Based on the Following prompt from Lady Q: The Drunk E-mail or Sexting challenge: Write a story where either Xander or Spike become so drunk that they either accidently send a dirty e-mail or Sexting to the other.- lady q  
Previous chapters: None.   
Notes: The Song used for this day is All My Friends Say- By Luke Bryan  
Beta(s): Spike_1790  
Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

 

I got smoke in my hair  
My clothes thrown everywhere  
Woke up in my rockin' chair  
Holdin' a beer in my hand  
Sportin' a neon tan

My stereo cranked up  
I can't find my truck  
How'd I get home from the club  
Don't have a clue what went down  
So I started callin' around

 

The shower was going in the bathroom, and Xander had no idea who was using it.Xander woke with the worst headache he had ever experienced. He was also pretty sure he was tied to the orange barcalounger in his parents basement. All he remembered was drinking at the Bronze. Obviously that explained the hangover, he must have drank enough to black out.   
The shower turned off and Spike walked into Xanders main living area.  
“Shit!” Xander exclaimed as memories of last night trickled back.

The night before...

Xander and the rest of the Scoobies decided to go to the Bronze that night for some drinks, dancing, bar sports, and even a little karaoke. You see Xander was busy doing the dance of the “ Brave Little Toaster” as he had the most horrible week. He lost his job on Wednesday because he was late to work after his father shook him down for rent in a drunken stupor. Anya left him on Friday because he was directionless and going nowhere. She thanked him for many orgasims and that brought him to the Bronze on Saturday with the girls.  
Being with his bestest buddies shouldn’t feel like a hardship. Considering he spent most of his time trying to chase them down and get them to grace him with their presence, he had no idea why he was in such a foul mood being with them tonight. Oh yeah, maybe because they were so wrapped up in their college lifestyles to realize he was hurting. You know if you don’t cast a spell to interfere with everyone elses life, or if your ex doesn’t kill someone then you’re not worthy of being noticed.  
Xander sighed, this wasn’t him. He wasn’t bitter guy. He just wished his friends were in tune with him as much as he tried to be in tune with them. He was glad Buffy was moving on from Angel with Riley, and she was glad Willow was recovering from her break up with OZ. He was happy the girls were enjoying college, he was happy Tara and Willow had found each other, he was happy that everyone had good things going on in their lives but him.  
Xander decided he didn’t want to spend his night glaring at the dance floor and drinking./ Getting arrested for drinking underage would so not help his week. He hauled a secretly relieved Riley off to play pool. Halfway before their first game Xander noticed Spike playing pool at a different table.   
“Well if it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all” Xander thought to himself as he locked eyes with Spike. “Like I want fangless hanging around”.   
Xander was surprised when he and Riley finished the game and Spike never came over. They started another and Xander started to think on the fact that he wasn’t even good enough for Spike to notice him.   
His darker mood helped his pool skills he ended up winning the next two games. Riley didn’t seem to care very much. He appeared to enjoy the company and kept filling Xander’s glass with more beer. 

And all my friends say  
I started shootin' doubles  
When you walked in  
All my friends say  
I went a little crazy  
Seeing you with him

Xander was getting more and more pissed Spike was ignoring him. “the bleached menace thinks he’s so cool, just because he can play pool. That stupid creature of the night thing he has going doesn’t make him any better than me. He doesn’t want to acknowledge me after I let him crash at my place that’s fine with me.” Xander thought, “I am great company, and if he doesn’t see that, then I will show him.”  
“You know I’ve had enough pool.” Riley remarked, “You look like you’re going to use that cue as a weapon. Let’s do something else before you break that over someones head”.  
“Sure, there are dart boards over there”, Xander explained as he pointed with his cue across the room. “Don’t worry they aren’t steel tips.” Xander game a reassuring and goofy smile to show Riley he was okay.  
The two guys walked to the dart boards and passed right by Spike and his friend. Spike raised his eyebrows at the pair of mortals but didn’t say anything to Xander or otherwise acknowledge that he had any clue who Xander was.

You know I don't remember a thing  
But they say I sure was raisin' some cain  
I was a rock star, party hard  
Gettin' over you comeback kid  
Hey I musta did  
What all my friends say  
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Xander continued to impress Riley with his prowess at bar sports. Honestly, Xander thought handing Riley his ass would make him feel better, but Riley wasn’t who was bothering Xander.   
The two went back to their group and Xander surrendered his hostage back to his girlfriends hands. Buffy and Riley went to dance and whisper about Xander behind his back. Xander watched Spike.  
Spike was like a lithe cat. He owned the pool table and even though Xander had beat Riley he knew Spike was truly a master at the game. Spike arched his back as he made his shots and Xander noted how his jeans slung low even though they were impossibly tight over his ass. Spike’s friend sure as hell was admiring the view.   
“ Figures no matter where he goes he has people fawning over him. Spike can keep a girlfriend for almost 200 years” Xander fumed, “Even guys are drawn to him.” Why was he obsessing? He didn’t even like Spike. Why was he admiring Spike’s ass? He didn’t like guys. Well, not as far as the occasional glances and thoughts about other guys. The health books said it was normal, it was okay to admire and wonder what fruit off the other tree tasted like. It’s not like he was gay or anything. “Great, now I’m making excuses to myself’.   
“Xander, are you okay honey” Willow asked, drawing Xander out of his reverie.   
“Yeah Wills, I’m fine”.   
“Well Tara and I are worried about you.” Willow stated. “It’s not good to spend the night sitting here by yourself.” Great his friends noticed something was wrong,enough to talk about him enough behind his back. It’s a good thing Spike wasn’t hanging out with the group . Xander knew he wouldn’t hold back. Still, he couldn’t help but think it was better than being fussed about behind his back.   
Buffy and Riley rejoined the group after their dance was over. “Let’s do some Kareoke!” Buffy suggested.  
“Sure Buff, but I am going to need to refresh my drink. There is no way I am getting up there untill I am much looser.”  
“Xander, is that such a good idea. Remember my beer experience?” Buffy worried.  
“Yeah, you’re forgeting, I was a bartender.”  
“For like a week.” Willow shouted. She was silenced by Xander’s sharp look.  
“My incapability to hold a job aside, I also have that who runs in my family alchol lovers thing going on.”   
“All the more reason you shouldn’t be trying to get drunk.”  
“Enough! I am a grown man.” Xander said as he thumped off to the bar.

Once he was at the bar he realized he had spent a lot of his cash already and only had enough for a drink and a shot. He drank the shot at the bar and walked back to the group with his beer. He passed Spike and his friend again sitting at a table making fun of the kareoke singers. 

I found my billfold  
I cried oh no, no  
Good time Charlie got me  
Now I'm broke  
But it was worth actin' like a fool  
Yeah, girl, I must really showed you

I was Elvis rockin'  
On the bar  
Workin' the crowd  
Pourin' out my heart

That was how Xander would up on a stage singing a slightly slurred version of Dashboard Confessionals “Am I Missing”. That is also how he wound up cornering Spike after stumbling off stage and giving him a sloppy wet kiss before passing out. 

Back to Today...

“Oh god Spike, I am so sorry about kissing you. I didn’t try any other funny business. I know you can’t really fight me off because the chip”   
“Listen Whelp, if I didn’t want the kiss it wouldn’t have happened, even with the chip IO can still fight the slayer’s doughnut boy off me. We didn’t do anything. I just got you back to your place so the other little kiddies wouldn’t have to fuss about you”  
“God this is so embarrassing”  
“Relax, the other scoobies didn’t catch anything after your little solo. You dignity is saved- whatever’s left anyway”  
“Thanks.”  
“Don’t mention it I owed you one for putting me up, plus I got a comfy bed amd a shower out of the deal”  
“ So, if we didn’t do anything why am I tied to a chair”.  
“Didn’t want you to choke on your own vomit, plus I like my partners a little more responsive”.  
“Oh thank god!”  
“Don’t thank him, I’m the one who got you home. Thank him after I’m done with you.  
“What do you mean, done with me?”  
“I said I like my partners more responsive. You’re plenty responsive now ducks.” Spike grinned demonically, “Plus there’s the fact you sent this to my cell last night”.

 

It was official Xander would never drink again.


	2. Skin Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Skin Show  
>  Chapter: Day 2 of 28, but not necessarily the same story.  
>  Pairing: Spike/Xander  
>  Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
>  Concrit: Comments only  
>  Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
>  Warnings/Squicks: Maybe preSpander, but nothing yet. PG for alcohol  
>  Summary: Based on the Following prompt from Lady Q: There is a picture of Xander showing off his tattoo's so I would like to read a story about either how he got his tattoo's or what Spike thinks of them.  
>  Previous chapters: None.  
>  Notes: The Song used for this day is Tattoo by Jordin Sparks  
>  Beta(s): Spike_1790  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

Spike was living with Xander again. This time the blonde menace had taken over his closet. It didn’t mean Xander could keep him in there. Xander was in the kitchen after coming out of a shower with a towel slung low around his waist. Spike was at the counter drinking his morning mug of blood. Xander looked up from making coffee to see SPike staring at him intently.   
“What are you looking at?” Xander asked in a tense tone.  
“Wot? I was looking at your tattoo, What’s that all about?”

No matter what you say about love  
I keep coming back for more  
Keep my hand in the fire  
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for  
No matter what you say about life  
I learn every time I bleed  
That truth is a stranger  
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free  
To admit that I'm wrong  
And then change my mind  
Sorry but I have to move on  
And leave you behind

“It’s none of your business.” Xander sneered.  
“I didn’t mean to pry, but it just seems out of sorts the slayer’s white knight has a tatty” Spike replied. “You do know that a tattooed cross won’t prevent a Vampire from biting you”.  
“That’s not why I got it” Spike looked expectantly at him. “It’s for my friend Jesse”.  
Spike could tell from Xander’s tone that there was something significant about that name. ”Who was she, Mate?”  
“He, Jesse was a he”, Xander paused for a moment deciding if he was going to continue. “"He fell victim to Sunnydale, just after Buffy came. Darla turned him to lure us all as bait for the harvest. There was a showdown in the Bronze and he got staked.” Xander went to the fridge and popped a beer. Coffee wasn’t going to help him handle this conversation.

I can't waste time so give it a moment  
I realize, nothing's broken  
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done  
Live every second like it was my last one  
Don't look back at a new direction  
I loved you once, needed protection  
You're still a part of everything I do  
You're on my heart just like a tattoo  
I'm sick of playing all of these games  
It's not about taking sides  
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver  
It hurt enough to think that I could

Spike looked Xander in the eyes and said, “Something tells me that’s not all that happened. Get it all off your chest”.  
“I staked him, well sort of. I was holding a stake and some girl pushed him into it while she was running away. It’s crazy because I know I could never do it. I was so scared and he was my best friend and now he’s gone.” Xander let out a sob. “He was describing what it was like to be a vampire, how powerful he felt, how alive. I almost believed him. Then poof he was gone. Jesse knew me better than anyone else. I would have let him turn me.”  
"Now pet, you would have done it on your own. You are a white hat through and through. You would have saved one of the girls from him, or saved him from his soulless existence”

Stop, admit that I'm wrong  
And then change my mind  
Sorry but I gotta be strong  
And leave you behind  
If I live every moment  
Won't change any moment  
Still a part of me and you  
I will never regret you  
Still the memory of you  
Marks everything i do  
Just like a tattoo  
I'll always have you

Xander looked up at him through wet lashes, “The problem is not all vampires are soulless. I think that’s why I hated you and Angel so much. You are walking proof that not all Vampires are innately bad.”   
Spike thought about that for a moment. “You realize you picked to rare cases. Angel was cursed to have his soul, and I am one of the only demons to ever survive the trials to earn mine”.   
“Spike, even without your soul you were never really like other vampires.”  
“It’s an Aurelius trait. Our line started from the Master, we have a bit more going on than other Vampires”.  
“Still Jesse could have gotten a soul. He’s gone and I killed him. The only thing left of him is my tattoo. No one else even remembers him or cares”  
“What’s done is done. You stopped him before the only memory of him would have been that of monster. Xan, not many Vampires would choose to get a soul.”  
“Jesse would have for me, I would have made him!” The tears were burning Xander’s eyes. “you don’t understand. He was more than my best friend he was the only person who ever loved me as I was and didn’t try to change me.”.   
“Xander....”  
“No it wasn’t like that. I mean I loved him like brother.”  
“Xander, you can have a tattoo, you can carry this around like a weight on your heart but Jesse was gone the moment Darla bit him, and he would thank you for what you did. He wouldn’t want to be the cross you bear.” Spike didn’t really know what to do so he handed him another beer and a paper towel. They sat in companionable silence. Spike knew he shared something with Xander, but there was still ground to cover.


	3. How to Deal With One Xander Bloody Harris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> itle: How to Deal With One Xander Bloody Harris  
> Chapter: Day 3 of 28, Part 1of 3 in the ‘Adele Series’  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Inspired by the Following prompt from Melody: Write a story based on the following title: How to date one Xander Bloody Harris. I say inspired by, because the prompt inspired me to use the song. The song changed the direction I wanted to take with the story.I doubt this is what she had in mind. If you squint you can see the connection.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Song- Rolling in The Deep, By Adele  
> Beta(s): Spike_1790  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

Spike was not the type of guy who went running to his exes when he had a problem with his relationship. Especially when Spike refers to said ex was as a broody, self- important poofter. Even more so when said ex and current flame do not see eye to eye. Yet here he was sitting in LA across from Angel trying to figure out how he should proceed with Xander. Angel couldn’t deny he was surprised. Not unpleasantly at that.

“You see, the Whelp has such low self esteem he lets the bints walk all over him and treat him like he is just some incompetent lackey. I want to show the boy he has so much more to offer. Anytime I try to draw attention to something good the lad has done everyone acts like I’m trying to take the piss out. I just need help to figure out how to date on Xander Bloody Harris if he keeps acting like he’s not worthy. I’m a damned...”

Angel tuned Spike out while he tried to articulate his problem. He didn’t need to hear all of the feelings Spike had about the boy. Angel knew what the problem Spike was having was. He was dating Xander. The thought made Angel aggravated. It was just wrong. So wrong he was surprised the powers didn’t send a vision to the group warning him. Spike needed to be with someone more suited for him. Someone like himself.

There's a fire starting in my heart  
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark  
Finally I can see you crystal clear  
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare

Spike had come to terms long ago that he was in love with Xander. Angel really couldn’t understand. Spike could go on and on about how Xander was loyal, brave and noble. How the boy Angel saw in high school had developed into ripply muscles and bulging biceps. Spike could try to convince Angel that he knew what he was doing. It didn’t surprise Angel that the two were having issues. Angel couldn't think of a less suitable pairing than if Spike tried to date the Slayer. Spike didn’t have the control to date a mortal; he still let the demon do most of his thinking. He didn’t have the control Angel could afford because of the soul. 

Angel continued to rationalize why Xander and Spike were a bad match and how it was better for everyone involved if Angel showed Spike the error of his ways. Angel had a moral obligation to separate the two. Angel and Spike were much better together. It worked for Spike because he wouldn’t have to be with someone beneath him, and it worked for Angel because he would never have to worry about losing his soul to Spike- There was too much history for them to be truly happy. Neither of them deserved to be happy.

See how I'll leave, with every piece of you  
Don't underestimate the things that I will do  
There's a fire starting in my heart  
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark

The scars of your love remind me of us  
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all  
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless  
I can't help feeling

We could have had it all  
Rolling in the deep

It’s not like they hadn’t tried it before. They were lovers for a century until Angel received his soul. Angel was the dominant force in Spike’s formative years he was practically Spike’s sire. Angel wasn’t necessarily romantic and kind to Spike but the fact that neither had ever been able to kill the other, despite the multitude of chances they always just walked away from the fight, fully intact. That had to amount to something. Spike never complained about Angel’s habit of bending Spike over by throwing him onto a table, or counter, or car hood, or up against a fence whenever they fought. Spike was also the only man Angel has kissed since receiving his soul.

Spike would be a great companion. He was beautiful and he was passionate. despite being a demon Spike loved with all he was worth. He was loyal and loving to Drusilla to the very end. When they were together Spike used to shower Angel with affection and attention. Even when Angel tried to beat it out of him. The two of them had lingering feeling for each other. Whenever Angel was with someone Spike was always jealous and couldn’t let him be happy. The fact he was so opposed to Angel and Buffy being together had to mean more than just Spike’s outrage at the fact Angel was betraying their kind by dating the slayer. Angel tried not to think about Spike’s reasons for not jumping for joy when Angel renewed his attentions to   
Drusilla.

You had my heart inside your hand  
And you played it to the beat

Baby, I have no story to be told  
But I've heard one of you and I'm gonna make your head burn  
Think of me in the depths of your despair  
Making a home down there as mine sure won't be shared

The scars of your love remind you of us  
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all  
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless  
I can't help feeling

We could have had it all  
Rolling in the deep  
You had my heart inside your hand  
And you played it to the beat

Now that Spike had the chip and was changing, fighting on the same side, it could work. Well, at least as bedmates. Spike still didn’t have his soul. He was damned and not a worthy partner for the champion of the powers that be. Still, Angel was sure he could placate the powers. After all, wasn’t saving Xander from becoming the unhealthy obsession of some demon worth it? What about keeping an eye on Spike? Lots of good could come from this. Angel wouldn’t have to hide the Vampire part of himself with Spike. He could have someone to share it all with and he wouldn’t have to be alone anymore.

Xander could never understand Spike the way he could. What did some boy know about demons. What it takes to love one. The kid was out of his depths and playing with fire. No, it was best for everyone involved if Angel put a stop to it. Buffy would thank him if she knew.

It wouldn’t be hard to sabotage Spike and Xander. Spike had spent over an hour recounting all the ways Xander suffered from low self esteem. Spike had also mentioned that Xander was constantly doubting Spike’s romantic gestures toward him and whether the blonde’s feelings were real.

“It’s okay, Spike. I have an idea on how all this with Xander can be fixed,” Angel smiled as his plan formed.

“Cheers mate!” At the idea of being reconciled with his lover Spike appeared happy for the first time since he arrived in LA.

Angel heard a car pull up. He knew it was Xander as soon as he walked into the building. Events were playing into his hand. Always count on Xander to walk head first into a trap without knowing it. Throwing caution to the wind, Angel grabbed Spike over the table and kissed him hard and long right as Xander burst into the room..

Could have had it all  
Rolling in the deep  
You had my heart inside your hand  
But you played it with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door  
Count your blessings to find what you look for  
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold  
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

(Now I'm gonna wish you never had met me)  
We could have had it all  
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)  
We could have had it all

Knowing the damage he wished to cause was done, Angel released a surprised and flabbergasted Spike. Xander stood in the doorway in shock for a second before gaining his voice.

“How could you Spike? Was this some sick joke. Were you trying to make me love you just so you could break my heart? Was trying to get me to think I was worth something some plot? Is this how you want to remind people you’re still evil? Messing with the slayers donut boy.” Hurt was apparent on his face.

“Listen pet, it’s not what you think...” Spike shouts as he used his vampire reflexes to make it to the door before Xander could leave.

“Save it. You were right. It’s not that I’m not good enough for you. I’m too good for you. You’re beneath me.” Xander says as he pushes Spike out of the way and leaves.

Spike stands at the door for a second before dropping to the floor with a sob.

“It’s okay William, it’s the way it should be. You should be with your own kind. Xander belongs in the sun. You belong with me in the night.” Angel said smugly. He was so self satisfied he didn’t even notice Spike had gotten up until Spike’s fist connected with his head.


	4. Burning Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Spike/Xander   
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Aftermath of Angel’s meddling with Spike and Xander’s relationship. How Xander is feeling by himself.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Song- Set Fire to The Rain, By Adele  
> Beta(s): Spike_1790  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

Burning Tears

Xander didn’t remember the drive home from LA. All he knew is that he sped the entire way home. Things were so fucked up. He couldn’t believe Spike... Scratch that, he had no problem believing Spike was in LA cheating on him with Angel. What he couldn’t believe was that he let himself fall in love with a soulless Vampire. What did he think was going to happen? A happy ending for the Zeppo? Hardly.  
Xander knew before it started that it was going to end in heartache.He knew it was only a matter of time before Spike got the chip out, or Drusilla came back, or Spike came to his senses and realized he could do better than Xander. He wished he could go back to that first night.   
Spike and Xander were out on patrol. The girls were all watching movies in Buffy’s dorm. Anya wasn’t invited. She was hanging out at the Magic Box with Giles. They had just broken up for the umpteenth time- this time about how she didn’t fit in with his friends, appropriately enough. Xander was a little down, but he expected it. No one really stuck around him after too long. Willow and Buffy were in college doing collegey things. Giles was running the Magic Box. Everyone kind of moved on and forgot about Xander.  
There was an oogily boogily and Xander wasn‘t paying attention. Spike had to step in and save him. Then not only didn’t make fun of him, but got annoyed at his self depreciating humor. Spike even helped him home that night,

 

I let it fall, my heart  
And as it fell, you rose to claim it  
It was dark and I was over  
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me  
My hands, they're strong  
But my knees were far too weak  
To stand in your arms  
Without falling to your feet

Xander figured Spike was just trying to weasel money out of Xander when he started inviting Xander to the Bronze after patrol. When Xander beat Spike at pool he suspected Spike could tell how pathetic his life had become. When your enemies take pity on you, you know your life has taken a wrong turn somewhere.   
When Xander confronted him about it Spike gave him some big speech about how Xander was good company. Spike tried to kiss him that night. Even after Xander decked him he still invited Xander out for bar sports. After a month Xander decided maybe Spike might have been interested in him like he kept telling Xander.

But there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew  
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true  
And the games you play, you would always win, always win

After Xander came to terms with the idea of dating a vampire, he tried to ambush Spike in his crypt for a night of lovin’. Spike didn’t take the bait and instead tried to feed Xander some garbage about how he was worth courting. That Xander shouldn’t settle for a one night stand. A month after that night they started dating, and it took another month after that before they made love.

But I set fire to the rain  
Watched it pour as I touched your face  
Let it burn while I cry  
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name  
When laying with you  
I could stay there, close my eyes  
Feel you here, forever  
You and me together, nothing is better

It really was making love, or at least the closest that Xander had ever come to it before. Xander never had a more attentive and gentle lover. Spike really seemed to care about his feelings about what they were doing. He took his time and worshiped every inch of Xander’s body, laying kisses on all of Xander’s skin. Xander felt safe in bed with Spike. He wondered if that was what he was missing with his previous lovers.

But I set fire to the rain  
Watched it pour as I touched your face  
Let it burn while I cried  
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name  
I set fire to the rain  
And I threw us into the flames  
Where I felt somethin' die, 'cause I knew that  
That was the last time, the last time

Xander couldn’t get the image of Spike kissing Angel out of his mind. It went against everything Spike had worked to make him believe during their nights together. Why would take the time to hurt him this way. Why subject his own body to the acts they committed in bed? Why all the late night pep talks? It just didn’t make sense that Spike would waste so much time getting Xander to fall in love and build up his self esteem. If he wanted to hurt Xander why not do it after taking Xander’s virginity?

Sometimes I wake up by the door  
Now that you've gone, must be waiting for you  
Even now when it's already over  
I can't help myself from looking for you  
I set fire to the rain  
Watched it pour as I touched your face  
Let it burn while I cried  
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name  
I set fire to the rain  
And I threw us into the flames  
Where I felt somethin' die  
'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time, oh

What was it with people popping his cherry and then running to Angel’s arms. Faith did the same thing. It made Xander so angry. He could see what Angel could offer Spike, so he wasn’t really mad at Spike. It wasn’t as if Xander knew Spike was too good for him. Nope, he was angry at himself. He wished he could take it back.  
“I wish I never met Spike. I wish he didn’t make me feel loved. I wish he didn’t make me believe I was worth something.”  
Xander was surprised to hear a knock at his door. He was more surprised to see Anya standing behind it.   
“Xander if you keep wishing one of my vengeance demon friends is going to have a lot of business. Tell me what’s wrong. I miss you.”


	5. Someone Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary:Spike runs into Xander a few years after his break up, on what Spike’s thinks is Xander’s wedding day.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Song- Someone Like You, By Adele  
> Beta(s): Spike_1790  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

Spike never came back to Sunnydale after Xander walked in on Angel forcing a kiss on him. He couldn’t bear to see Xander move on. He instead stayed in LA hoping that Xander would come back for explanations after he calmed down. Buffy had been all too happy to call Angel and let him know Anya and Xander were back together, and that put paid to that plan. After a few weeks of letting Angel brood over Spike’s misery they did in fact try the couple thing again.   
Even being with Angel all the time and being with someone who knew what he was better than anyone couldn’t help Spike feel less alone. In fact he felt more alone with Angel than he ever had in Sunnydale. Angel made him feel like a pet or a bed warmer and not an equal. All the rubbish about not having a soul and not being his equal.  
Spike ended up traveling around the world for a while. While he was in Africa he found a Shaman and tried to get him to perform some mojo to make his worthy of love. What a laugh, he ended up with that pesky soul Angel kept holding over his head. He stopped back in LA to tell Angel that it didn’t matter if he thought he was worthy. There was only one person who he had to prove his worth to. The poof took great relish in telling him that Xander was marrying the demon chit. 

I heard that you're settled down  
That you found a girl and you're married now.  
I heard that your dreams came true.  
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Spike was happy for the whelp. Xander deserved someone he could stand in the sun with. Spike could picture the Whelp’s future laid out. Xander would keep moving up the lines at the construction firm. He and Anya would have a mess of children. Xander would make a great parent. It was a good future for Xander. Better than any one Spike could have given him if they had stayed together.  
Spike really didn’t intend to be sitting outside the church in the poof’s car. Spike saw how happy Xander looked in his tux before the ceremony and couldn’t bring himself to go in the church. He ended up in the bar across the street and proceeded to start drowning his sorrows in a pint or five.  
A few hours later Xander walked into the bar Spike was drinking at. He sat down and ordered a hard drink and concentrated on it like it held the meaning of life. Spike studied Xander’s face for moment. Just as he was about to look away he met eyes with Xander. 

Old friend, why are you so shy?  
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited  
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.  
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded  
That for me it isn't over.

Electricity sizzled in the air. Xander’s expression darkened.  
“Why are you here Spike? Didn’t get enough of my pain the first time around? Needed to come watch me at the lowest moment of my life?”  
“Sorry pet, I know I’m not welcome here, but you’re right- couldn’t stay away. Don’t know many people who call their wedding day the lowest moment of their life.”  
“Well, I didn’t get married. I chickened out. A demon ruined that too.”  
“Fancy talking about it?”  
“No,” Xander said with his lips pursed. “Fine! it wasn’t the demon’s fault. I was scared to begin with. I’ve seen a lot of marriages go bad. I was scared I didn’t love Anya enough to make it work.”  
“You’re a good man and you would make a good husband and father,” Spike replied.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you  
I wish nothing but the best for you too  
Don't forget me, I beg  
I remember you said,  
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,  
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

You know how the time flies  
Only yesterday was the time of our lives  
We were born and raised  
In a summer haze  
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

Xander let out a bark of laughter. “Oh, so now the guy who made me fall in love with him and cheated on me is giving me lessons on my self worth.”  
“I didn’t cheat on you,” Spike murmured.  
“Spike, what’s done is done, but don’t lie to me,” Xander said as he held up his hand in a stop motion. “You must think I’m stupid. I saw you and Angel together. Buffy told me you were in LA last time she visited. You never came back and tried to fix things.”  
“Look, you’re right. Angel and I were together, but it wasn’t until months after you walked in on that kiss. Angel kissed me because he had this idea in his head it would be good for us to be together. He did it on purpose so you would catch us. I was caught as off guard as you were.”  
“So why didn’t you come back and explain? You just stayed there!”  
“You were right when you told me I was beneath you. You belong in the sunlight. You deserve the family and white picket fence that I can’t give you.””  
“Why are you here Spike?”   
“Because I still love you pet, and I wanted to see for myself that you were happy.”

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited  
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.  
I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded  
That for me it isn't over.

“The peroxide must have gone to your head because I just told you I’m not happy. I tried it with Anya. I wanted it to work, but I haven’t been happy since I saw you with Angel.”  
“Xan, I love you and I want nothing more than to have you in my arms till the next apocalypse, but I meant it when I said you deserved what I can’t give you. I have a soul now pet, but I’ll never be able to love you the way you deserve.”  
“What if I told you I would settle for loving me the way you can?”


	6. Taking Him Home to Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Based on the following prompt from Lady Q: Write a story where Dawn thinks it is time to bring a boyfriend home for approval from Spike and Xander  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Cleaning This Gun- Rodney Atkins. By the way this was way too much fun to write.  
> Beta(s): Spike_1790  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

If Xander didn’t laugh at the absurdity of it all he would cry. You see, Dawn was bringing home her first real boyfriend tonight for them to meet. Instead of him meeting Joyce or Buffy, he was forced to meet Xander and Spike. It really wasn’t fair to Dawn that she had no family left to share these milestones with. Well, she had a father, but god knows where he was. I mean, the man didn’t even know Buffy was dead. For all they knew, he didn’t know Dawn existed.  
Despite how uncomfortable the situation might be for him and Spike, he knew they had to man up. It’s not like they would have to relive this moment anytime soon with their own kids, what with the fact that Spike wasn’t exactly firing a loaded pistol. Xander blinked at his thoughts. Figures the whole ‘two males with no uterus between us’ thing didn’t cross his mind.

The declaration of independence  
Think I can tell you that first sentence  
But then I'm lost  
I can't begin to count the theories  
I had pounded in my head that I forgot  
I don't remember all that spanish  
Or the gettysburg address  
But there is one speech from high school  
I'll never forgot

Xander tried to think back to his previous relationships and wondered if he heard anything that would work. He hadn't had the most typical relationships so he didn’t have much to work with. Anya’s dad was long dead by the time they got together. Faith never offered to bring him home to meet her folks with the whole choking thing happening; he didn’t even know if she knew who her father was. Cordelia's dad met him once and decided he wasn’t worth the trouble. So, nope, no useful information was coming from the world of pain that was his dating history.  
“Spike, did anyone’s father give you the ‘talk’?”  
“Demon, love. Only time I met anyone’s father it was when I was ripping their throat out. So that would be a no,” Spike said while raising one brow.  
“I meant when you were human.”  
“Wasn’t exactly the ladies man I am now, was I?”  
“Is it too late to have Giles phone one in?”  
“Listen Pet, all I have to do is Vamp out and tell his if he hurts Dawn I will wear his spleen as a hat and bathe in his blood.”  
“But Spike, you can’t do any of those things because of your chip.”  
“OY! just stand over there with the cross bow and look menacing.”

Come on in boy, sit on down  
And tell me 'bout yourself  
So you like my daughter, do you now  
Yeah we think she's something else  
She's her daddy's girl and her mama's world  
She deserves respect, that's what she'll get, ain't it son  
Now y'all run along and have some fun  
I'll see you when you get back  
Bet I'll be up all night  
Still cleaning this gun

Dawn comes through the door with a thin waif of a boy and Xander realizes that she is safe. Hell, Willow and Tara’s cat could take this one out. But they do their proud protective Daddy thing and Xander is impressed the kid doesn’t seem squeamish at the fact Dawn has two “dads” or the least bit annoyed by their posturing. Dawn picked a good one. The kid does seem a little nervous when he asks what time Dawn has to be back and winced a little at Xander’s hand shake- not that he tried to show his dominance through a handshake or anything; Xander was an adult after all. 

Well now that I'm a father  
I'm scared to death one day my daughter's gonna find  
That teenage boy I used to be  
Who seems to have just one thing on his mind  
She's growing up so fast it won't be long  
'fore I'll have to put the fear of god  
Into some kid at the door

 

It felt nice to play house with Spike. It felt nice to be able to give Dawn something close to normal. It felt good for him to do something to protect a little girl who had seen too much, too young. It was nice to know Buffy would approve of something he and Spike did together. Mostly it was nice to do something with Spike and be recognized and respected as a couple.

It's all for show, ain't nobody gonna get hurt  
It's just a daddy thing, hey be/lieve me man, it works

Dawn was back fifteen minutes before curfew and her date walked all the way to the door and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Nice to know he wasn’t going to be beating up any teenagers tonight.


	7. Untitled- Comment with ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
>  Concrit: Comments only  
>  Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
>  Warnings/Squicks: Maybe preSpander, but nothing yet. PG for alcohol  
>  Summary: Based on the Following prompt from Lady Q: Write a "Across a Crowded Room," story where either Spike or Xander see each other from across a crowded room theme  
>  Previous chapters: None.  
>  Notes: The Song used for this day is Paralyzer by Finger Eleven.  
>  Beta(s): Spike_1790  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

Seated at a small booth off to the side, the dim spotlights of The Bronze, Spike watched as Xander seemed to be shifting uncomfortably in his own skin, biting his lip and looking nervously around the loud and crowded room. Spike couldn’t help but wonder what had nummy’s panties twisted so tight? Where were the girls, surely the umbilical cord that attaches Xander to Buffy didn’t stretch that far.

I hold on so nervously  
To me and my drink,   
I wish it was cooling me

Despite the fact that it was only an average night temperature wise for September in California, Xander appeared to be sweating buckets. Her kept playing with the cocktail sword in his drink, and Spike could tell Xander wished he was gulping it down. The alcohol would probably calm his nerves as he prepared for whatever had him so on edge. 

But so far has not been good,   
It's been shitty  
And I feel awkward, as I should

Xander’s eyes kept darting around the bar, like he was looking for the answer to some complex riddle. There was a pattern; scan the room, take a drink, and then look at his watch. The nervous energy the boy was exuding was practically humming. All the waiting and scanning seemed to be for naught, as a tall blonde man with slim features managed to sneak up to Xander’s table undetected. Judging by the elation on the Whelp’s face Spike could hazard a guess that the man was who Xander had been anxiously awaiting all night.

Spike’s interest piqued when he saw the two men leave the table and head to the dance floor. Spike didn’t really picture Xander as the type of guy who would bat for the other team, but he couldn’t deny the proof in front of him. He had to admit he was a little jealous watching Xander and the blonde dancing together on the floor. Xander was strangely graceful as he was moving to the pulsing rock beat. It was pretty hot to watch.

This club has got to be  
The most pretentious thing,   
Since I thought you and me  
Well, I am imagining  
A dark lit place,   
Or your place, or my place

Spike was even mildly surprised that none of the other dancers seemed to care there were two men dancing together on the dance floor. Spike smiled, Sunnyhell might be more open minded then he gave the town credit for, but if the people on the dance floor saw the kind of things that he imagined doing with Xander they wouldn’t be so casual. In fact he had been imagining the boy a lot lately.

 

Well, I'm not paralyzed,   
But I seem to be struck by you,   
I want to make you move  
Because you're standing still  
If your body matches  
What your eyes can do,   
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you

 

When Xander noticed Spike’s intense stare, instead of seeming abashed he just ignored the other man. Spike was incensed. No one could just ignore his smolder. Spike was deciding whether he should storm over there and pull Xander away from the other man, or let them enjoy their night while he caught up with Xander later.

 

I hold out for one more drink,   
Before I think  
I'm looking too desperately

But so far has not been fun,   
I should just stay home  
If one thing really means one,   
This club will hopefully   
Be closed in three weeks,   
That would be cool with me

Who was he kidding a white hat like Xander would never look twice at Spike. Soul or no soul. He probably expects Spike to tell the girls about all that was going on. Spike was good for backup or good for a laugh when no one else was around, but he wasn’t the kind of guy you took home to mom. When he really thought hard about it, Spike realized he had no reason to go to the Bronze. No matter how hard he would try he would never be a Scooby.

Well, I'm still imagining  
A dark lit place,   
Or your place, or my place

Spike gave one more glance to the couple on the floor and headed home to his closet to masturbate and think of the whelp. 

Xander caught Spike outside the club, he seemed annoyed. 

“What gives. You spend the night watching me like a creepy stalker, but when I go to talk to you disappear."

“I just figured you didn’t really need me around if you were on a date”

“I wasn’t on a date, but if you cared enough to get jealous you can take me home.

 

Well, I'm not paralyzed  
But I seem to be struck by you  
I want to make you move,   
Because you're standing still

If your body matches  
What your eyes can do,   
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you


	8. Lonely Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Based on the following prompt from Lady Q: A new year means New beginnings so write a story where Spike and Xander start anew. Could be an established realtionship, ex-lovers, or just starting as friends and slowly becoming lovers.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Hey Ho -by the Lumineers  
> Beta(s): None, I slacked off on vacation.  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

The gang had been slowly pushing the two of them together over the last few months. Spike had come back to Sunnydale with a soul. Xander and Anya were over. Both of them were melancholy and needed a friend. The girls insisted that it made sense that they shared some male bonding. Plus they were room mates.

 

(Ho!) I've been trying to do it right  
(Hey!) I've been living a lonely life  
(Ho!) I've been sleeping here instead  
(Hey!) I've been sleeping in my bed,  
(Ho!) sleeping in my bed  
(Hey!)

Most nights that meant the two of them sat on the couch nursing a beer and not talking. There was nothing to say. there was too much pain between them. Neither thought the other would get it. Those were the excuses they gave themselves. Meanwhile they both cried alone in cold and empty beds. When the girls asked they could say they spent time together. They did their homework. They spent time in the same room. 

(Ho!)

(Ho!) So show me family  
(Hey!) All the blood that I would bleed  
(Ho!) I don't know where I belong  
(Hey!) I don't know where I went wrong  
(Ho!) But I can write a song  
(Hey!)

While the two of them became each others responsibility the girls didn’t have to feel bad about not paying as much attention to either of them. Who could take that much depression and misery. Willow had her struggle trying to find a role in the group without too much magic. Buffy had the First and the slayers in training, she had her job at the high school. The men were just a burden. Their little family was just breaking apart. 

 

1, 2, 3  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweet  
(Ho!)

(Hey!)  
(Ho!)  
(Hey!)

(Ho!) I don't think you're right for him  
(Hey!) Look at what it might have been if you  
(Ho!) Took a bus to China Town  
(Hey!) I'd be standing on Canal  
(Ho!) And Bowery  
(Hey!)  
(Ho!) And she'd be standing next to me  
(Hey!)

Things changed on New Years day. Spike decided he had enough moping around.

“Listen, you’ll never recover from your bird if you don’t sodding get off the couch.”

“What do you suggest I do Fangless, I don’t see you doing the dance of the well adjusted”

“Look we both need to eat and you have the dosh. Do you want to be the only two people left in town who are moping around inside. Isn’t this the day you mortals consider the biggest drinking day of the year.”

“Oh because hanging out with you would be the fastest cure for my crippling depression?”

“All I am saying is we can be depressed at the bar. Being depressed here isn’t helping us any Xan.”

 

1, 2, 3  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart

It’s funny how things start. Just that one night set things in motion. It;s not like that night had far reaching results and consequences, they didn’t even have anyone to kiss that night, but both would consider that night as the night that turned everything around.

They both started to become more like themselves. They laughed again. They hung out with the girls again. They started hanging out together every weekend, and most weeknights. They were becoming each other's best friends.

It wasn’t until the night before the last battle with the First did the truth finally come out. 

“You know Spike, it’s the last day we might ever have on earth, we’re spendidn it together. If you told me I would be happy to spend my last moments with you a few months ago I would have and you checked out for brain damage, it’s fitting how I;m here with you now.”

“This is the time you should spend with the people you love pet”

“See, that’s just it. I have spent most of my adult life hunting Vampires, whom I hate. I never stopped to think that in fact, the most consistent and meaningful relationship of my adult life I have spent with you. As much as it pains me to say, you are the people I love.”

“Berk...” Spike said with a smile and kissed Xander.

Love ‒ we need it now  
Let's hope for some  
So, we're bleeding out

I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart  
I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweet  
(Ho!)

(Hey!)  
(Ho!)  
(Hey!)


	9. Me Vs. You (1 of  5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Based on the prompt from Lady Q: Write a story based on the following line " Everyone likes to play the villain but it takes a strong person to play the hero."  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is My Vs. Mardona Vs. Elvis- Brand New  
> Beta(s): None, I slacked off on vacation.  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.  
> Author’s note: Originally written as a nonSpander story. Tweeked it.

With one or two I get used to the room.   
We go slowly when we first make our moves.   
But five or six bring you out to the car.   
Number nine with my head on the bar.

It's your birthday Xander, and tonight I'm going to get my gift. I hope you really aren't thinking I took you out drinking to celebrate with you. No, I'm celebrating something different- I finally get to get the best of you. You know, for being the product of two drunks, you certainly can't hold your alcohol. It's cute watching you flirt with girls who aren’t interested when you can't even say your own name without stuttering. Not that I really care if you make an ass out of yourself- either way you'll end up in my bed tonight…

Funny that every time you get rejected you come to me for condolence, but you don't seem to care when you reject me. I'm sure you'd deny you never noticed how I've been pinning for you over the last few months. Of course you would; you're Xander Harris, and everyone knows the slayer’s white knight isn’t gay.They especially don’t get it up for vampires.

I watch you walk over, and tell me how that girl just threw that drink in your face. Poor unfortunate fool. No girl falls for your cheesy pickup lines. Listening to you bitch about how it stinks being in a slayerette, and how lonely you are is worth getting a chance to unravel your world. I really don't care if you never get a chance to be with the one you love. Whine all you want, no one has sympathy for crybabies, even if I am curious to see the girl of your dreams. It's nice to see you scorned.

I look at my watch and decide it's time to take you back to my crypt. You, of course, decide to sit on the hood of your car and cry about how unbelievable this person is, and how they'll never understand your feelings toward them, and how they'll cop out of dealing with you by saying you're too young…

Ah the whelp is in love with an older woman- how pathetic. 

And it's sad, but true.   
Out of cash and I owe.   
I got you. 

It's almost time for us to check back in with Willow; we wouldn't want little Xan staying up too late. He'd be cranky for our next meeting. You're lucky I wanted to get in your pants since we met. You’d better put out tonight with all the money I spent on booze- I even had to open up a tab.

Desperate desires and unadmirable plans.   
My tongue will taste the gin and malicious intent.

You're so wasted by the time you make it into the car. You're so drunk you give me a big hug and a sloppy kiss as you thank me for taking you out.

Yeah, this is going to be so sweet.

Willow and Buffy don't really seem to care as they watch you stumble around, until you run into the wall and fall flat on your ass that is.

"Take care of him tonight. You got him this way, you can baby sit," Buffy mutters and walks away before either of us can protest.

Not that you would. You actually seem eager to get into my room. I guess when you're drunk you'll let anyone seduce you. I always thought you were an innocent virgin. Now I’ll get the chance to find out..

A sober straight face gets you out of your clothes.   
And they're scared that we know all the crimes they'll commit.   
Who they'll kiss before they get home.

I decide to go into the backroom, and see just how comfortable you make yourself. I change out of my clothes and walk into our bedroom. Figures… You look up from the bed, naked, engorged, and crying. I try my hardest not to laugh at how pathetic you look. I lean over and tilt your chin up and give you a soft kiss. I whisper some bullshit about how no one will ever know and lean you back onto the bed. 

This is too fucking great. If only I had a camera to broadcast this across the world.

You kiss me and tell me how horrible you feel about your life.

Great a fucking emotional time bomb… still I can use this…

I tell you none of it matters as I start to caress you. You let out a sigh. Sometimes if I wonder if you know how girly you act.

"Hold up, Spike," you moan, and walk to the backroom of my crypt.

When you come back I'll be waiting…

I will lie awake. Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you.   
Then you'll fall for every empty word I say.   
Barely conscious in the door where you stand.

I wait for you to come out. I lie back on my bed and I know you're in there because I hear your voice hitch.

"Xander, I want you to feel comfortable. I know you’re drunk and this may not be what you want in the morning." Like you’re concerned; I see you staring at my erection. Try to tell me that you're straight in the morning…

You don't say a word to acknowledge I even spoke. You pounce on the bed and wrap yourself around me. We twist and turn, and you drive yourself deeper into my revenge. 

Your eyes are fighting sleep while your mouth makes your demands. 

Little shit, you act like I'm your bitch as you yell commands at me: harder, faster, stay like that, and don't stop; like you have a choice, you're the one who's getting fucked…

…in more ways than one.  
One quick turn of my hips and you explode.   
After we wash up you crawl up next to me and put your head on my chest. I hold you close to me, as you drift off to sleep.

You laugh at every word, trying hard to be cute.   
I almost feel sorry for what I'm gonna do.   
And your hair smells of smoke.   
Who will cast the first stone? 

As morning approaches I get ready for the sweetest part of my plan, not that deflowering you was bad.

You awake to see you clothes on a pile on our bed, and me fully dressed.

"Spike, about last night…" You laugh nervously.

You look so shy... it's almost discouraging. 

"It's okay it was just sex, it's not like either of us mean anything to each other."

"But… I just wanted…" 

"Really Xander it's okay. Just get dressed. It didn't mean anything."

You can't sit or spend the night all-alone. 

You look at me right in my eyes and start to cry. You start talking about all the relationships you've had and how none of them mattered to you. You sniffle, as you tell me how lonely you are.

You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start.   
If you let me have my way,   
I swear I'll tear you apart.   
Cause it's all you can be. 

I go to make my kill as you fight back tears…

You're a drunk and you're scared. 

"Spike, I'm gay."

"As if I couldn't tell from last night."

I will lie awake.   
Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you. 

You embrace me and cry on my shoulder…

" I'm so glad you understand, I…"

"Really pet, I do but you should leave. It's not that I don't care, but haven't you ever heard about the afterglow- it's dead, and I'm done here."

 

Then you'll fall for every empty word I say.

"Spike I love you!" you say it with such conviction. "You asshole, you're the one I wanted." 

Fuck, you weren't supposed to say that!

With tears, you throw on your clothes and run toward the door. I grab your arm and kiss you, as you struggle against me. With one surprising punch that catches me off guard, I'm on my ass. 

"You're a bastard," as your foot comes down on my crotch, "what do you have to say about that?" 

You open the door and are halfway out when I say those words that I wanted to say for over a year when I first started rooming with you.

"I love you Xander. I didn't know…" 

The door slams shut, and I lie on the floor wishing I didn't mean that last sentence so goddamn much.


	10. The Vamp Who Blocked His Own Shot (2 of 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: The Vamp Who Blocked His Own Shot  
> Chapter: Day 11 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge, 2 of 5 of Brand New Series  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Spike begs  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot- Brand New  
> Beta(s): None, I slacked off on vacation.  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.  
> Author’s note: Originally written as a nonSpander story. Tweeked it.

"Spike I love you! You asshole, you're the one I wanted." 

"I love you Xan, I didn't know…" 

So much time has passed since then- three weeks to be exact. Three weeks ago I missed the chance of almost two years.

Anyone who feels like an utter shite raise their hand.This chip is affecting my brain. I never used to feel bad about taking what I wanted.

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand.  
I hope you find out what you want.  
I already know what I am.

He won’t even look at me. He doesn’t go out after patrols. He barely even shows any energy.

I fucked up so bad this time.

Part of it’s his fault… I mean, if he’d have just shown that he reciprocated some of the feelings I was throwing at him for months...

Who am I kidding? I’m a selfish, blind, asshole.

And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again.  
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am.  
I'll grow old and start acting my age.  
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. 

Look, I know I did a very horrible thing, but I was so angry with you. I wanted revenge…  
I longed for you so long and well, I thought you would never notice how I felt, and if you did, you’d never feel the same. You’re always talking about how you hate Vampires. Plus, you know, EVIL.  
I thought if I couldn’t make you love me, I’d make you hate me. 

You don’t even need to say it; I know I’m a bloody pillock.

Yeah, despicable came to my mind too.

Look, I’ll do anything to get a second chance. Even if we can’t be romantically involved, we could still be friends.

Couldn’t we?

We could start over, a new life…

A crown of gold.  
A heart that's harder than stone.  
And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. 

I’ll treat you like a king. 

I understand that you’ve had to harden up you heart since… that night.

I know I hurt you deeply, but I’m prepared to make that up and so much more. Just because I fucked up, doesn’t mean you should throw your heart away. I’ll help heal it.

Damn it, Xan, I’m on my fucking knees!! I understand how you feel. Now stretch that out over two bloody years. 

That’s how long I’ve needed you, that’s how long I waited.

Call me a safe bet.  
I'm betting I'm not.  
I'm glad that you can forgive.  
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. 

No, I really don’t think you should bet on me pulling shit like that again. Call it a crime of passion…

It’s not enough that you forgive me. 

You told me you loved me. Now you have to deal with the fucking well you opened up.

Forget that… It’s in the past. I want to be your future.

If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state.  
You can keep to yourself.  
I'll keep out of your way. 

I’ll do anything you want so we can get through this. I’ll give you time I’ll stay away.

Just promise you won’t become a hermit again. 

Yeah, I do think you should fall in love with someone else, if you can’t love me…

And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.  
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.

I’ll remove every trace of myself from your life, but I won’t remove you from mine.

Fuck, I’ll leave Sunnydale if it’d get you back to being yourself.

It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room,  
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.  
So call it quits or get a grip.  
Say you wanted a solution.  
You just wanted to be missed.

I’m beginning to think you just want to see me beg. 

Yes I’m laughing at you, and myself I guess.

Well, less than a month ago you told me you loved me then all but disappeared.

Yeah, I think it’s ludicrous, but it’s so insane, it’s daffy.

No, I didn’t call you a duck.

No, I think Tom would make a better Daffy Duck. 

Yeah, Anya does remind me of Daffy.

You are calm and reposed.  
Let your beauty unfold.  
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones.  
Spring keeps you ever close.  
You are second hand smoke.  
You are so fragile and thin. 

God you’re magnificent even when you’re miserable.

No, I’m not blowing smoke up your arse, I was saving that for the make-up sex.

You have this raw beauty. The strong brow, your tan skin, the muscular frame, and that natural hairstyle.

Yes, I do think you’re gorgeous. 

Natural hairstyle, which could be defined as the fluffy brown mess on your head.

No, it looks good.

 

Standing trial for your sins.  
Holding onto yourself the best you can

You wouldn’t be losing your resolve by giving in; you would be subdued by my irresistible charm.

Oh I’m not? Thanks! ::Chuckle::

You are the smell before rain.  
You are the blood in my veins. 

Even if you can live without me, I can’t live without you. 

Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. 

Why do you keep saying “I bet”, or “I guarantee”? I’m not that predictable, am I?

How do you figure?! You weren’t expecting me to beg for forgiveness, and I did.

I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.

 

As I lean down to kiss you, and I say a silent prayer, that this time I don’t land on my ass.

There goes that idea…  
…at least this time you’re down here with me.

Now that we’ve made up, can we talk about make-up sex?

Finish


	11. Afterglow (3 of 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Afterglow  
> Chapter: Day 12 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge, 3 of 5 of Brand New Series  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only
> 
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Make up sex  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Sic Gloria Transit- Brand New. I didn’t add lyrics because it threw off the rhythm  
> Beta(s): None, I slacked off on vacation.  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.Author’s note: Originally written as a nonSpander story. Tweeked it.

So Spike, other than the fact that he’s an ass sometimes, and I love him deeply, what is there to say?

How about his tongue is in my ear?   
How about if we weren’t in a cemetery I’d be going at him as we speak?   
How about even if he took his tongue out of my ear, I’d still probably be trying to fight off an erection?

Yeah, I know he’s a bit of a dork, but look at him: his charming smirk, those eyes that give his every intention away, the eyebrows that always make him look naive and innocent- even when that’s the farthest thing from the truth, and that body…

Shit, I need to take a cold shower.

“I’m sure you think this is funny!” 

“Yeah, I do,” he says with a mischievous glint in his eye. “I love watching you squirm.”

“I’m so glad you see the humor in all of this,” I averred, as I tried to give him a playful shove. He grabbed my wrist, and gently pushed me against the wall, and gave me a deep and salacious kiss.

“Later,” he said, looking into my eyes, showing me all of his animalistic desires. He let go of my wrists and walked out.

Forget a cold shower, I’m going to need a new pair of shorts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After patrol I was on pins and needles. The girls know. Angel is here.

“At least we don’t have to worry about Spike losing his soul. Not that Harris could give anyone a moment of perfect happiness.”

“You better watch your mouth ‘Gelus,” Spike sneered.

“Or what, you’ll send the boy after me? It’s nice you waited until he was legal before you corrupted him.”

Before Angel could see him coming, Spike’s fist connected with the side of his head. Once Angel was on the ground, Spike kicked him in the ribs. While Angel was gasping on the ground, Buffy and I went over to help him out. 

“Because Buffy was so legal when you took your walk on the evil side of unlife?” Xander retorted.

“You’ve always been a wanker, and you bloody well always will be one!” Spike muttered as he stormed off.

“Spike’s right. Just because he and I are now in a relationship doesn’t take away from the fact we’re still friends,” Xander reasoned.

“Maybe I don’t want to be friends with the local LGB,.” Buffy replied.

“It doesn’t matter. What does anyone's sex life have to do with you?” Willow said in a shocked tone.

Buffy sighed. “It doesn’t. I’m sorry. I just am having trouble believing Xander’s gay. I mean, you and Tara is one thing, but now all my friends are living alternative lifestyles.”

“Because slaying is normal and has the benefits of many stable relationships?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“You know we’re supposed to be having raunchy, mind altering sex right now,” Xander said while rubbing Spike’s shoulders, "and I can guarantee you, that if you snap out of this mood, you will come out of that room a very happy, and lighter man!”

Without replying Spike stands up, and thrusts Xander against the wall, so high his feet don’t touch the ground. His lips press against Xander’s, and force his head back. Spike’s tongue separates Xander’s lips, and the kiss deepens. If he were on the ground his knees would have gone limp. Spike was in ecstasy. 

When the kiss finally ends, Spike looked Xander in the eyes, and backs him into their room. With one smooth movement, he had the brunette’s shirt off and the boy on the bed. 

Xander looked up and started to lift off Spike’s shirt, slowly caressing Spike’s soft lightly colored skin. Spike’s muscles twitched as Xander’s fingers danced across Spike’s skin. When Xander reached Spike’s nipple, he gave it a small twist and watched him shudder. Spike’s hands grabbed at his, and forced Xander to lift the rest of Spike’s shirt over his head. Spike then moved slowly down the bed till he was sprawled out next to Xander. Spike’s hands maneuvered Xander’s zipper, and with a quick tug Xander’s pants, and Xander’s boxers were off exposing Xander’s desires. Xander’s clumsy hands stumble over the buttons on Spike’s pants, but soon they too are on the ground with Xander’s things.

Quickly Xander’s member was in Spike’s hand, he could feel his body move with Spike’s quick gestures.

The pleasure was surmounting, and Xander felt like he could explode. Quickly he moved on top of Spike, moving down his body until Xander reached his target. Xander caressed Spike slowly, and then replaced his hand with his mouth. Instantly Spike’s hips bucked up, and Spike had his hand in Xander’s hair setting a rhythm.

It’s not long before Xander tastes Spike’s sweet nectar on his tongue. Like ice cream, he licks it all up.

Spilt, but not empty, they entangled in lust to form a more perfect being. In an altered state of consciousness Xander felt everything from cooler shots of breath against his shoulder, to the humming of his own skin.

“H-how does th-that f-feel?” Spike manages to make out through heavy and unneeded breaths.

“Spike, you have no Idea how fucking amazing this is,” Xander moaned.

That sets Spike into frenzy, as Spike pumps harder, and harder with more frequency.

“God I can feel that in my teeth, don’t stop,” Xander screamed in pleasure.

“I love you so much, pet,” and that’s all it took.

They both came to a climax and shared the same disjointed breathing.

“I love you too,” Xander whispered and they laid together.

There is static in the air, along with the scent of musk. Anyone who enters the room in the next month will feel their love in the air.

Slowly, softly, Xander’s breathing slows into the gentle pace of sleep, Spike’s body clings to Xander’s as naturally as Spike would a security blanket.

Xander let out a contented sigh, knowing that this is the way love should be.


	12. Sunnydale Amaretto and Lime (4 of 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Sunnydale Amaretto and Lime  
> Chapter: Day 13 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge, 3 of 5 of Brand New Series  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Xander’s Birthday one year after chapter 1. Xander is angsty.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Soco Amaretto Lime- Brand New. I didn’t add lyrics because it threw off the rhythm  
> Beta(s): None, I slacked off on vacation.  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.  
> Author’s note: Originally written as a nonSpander story. Tweeked it.

Xander’s POV

 

Passed out on the overpass  
Sunday best and broken glass   
Broken down from the bikes and bars   
Suspended like spirits over speeding cars 

“You know what Spike, this is the what love should be.”

“No, I’m not getting philosophical you dick,” I say with my eyes probing his. “I just love nights like this: no patrols, no apocalypse, drunk, and with you.”

“I know, you’re right. I do sound pretty gay, right? I just feel like a god now, overlooking the bars and the cars driving along the highway.”

“It was your idea to sit in the rest area’s overpass walkway!”

You and me were kings over the parkway tonight   
and tonight will go on forever while we   
walk around this town like we own the streets   
and stay awake through summer like we own the heat 

“I miss simplicity,” I say as I get up and walk down the metal steps. “I miss being a kid, having summers off and stuff. Slaying and working full time is exhausting.”

“No. I don’t regret helping Buffy, but I missed out on just being a teenager!”

“It’s not the same! Buffy was called, and you lived like a dozen lifetimes.”

“No, I don’t mean you’re too old, or that I don’t enjoy being here right now with you. I just can’t help but wonder ‘what if?’”

Singing "everybody wake up (wake up) its time to get down"   
(everybody, everybody wake up its time to get down)   
And when I pass the bottle back to pee  
on the overpass tonight, I bet we laugh

“It’s why I don’t want Dawn to miss out on her teen years.”

“Yeah, that was funny too; I think Dawn is still pissed we broke into their rooms and woke them up, just so we could build fortes with all the bedding, and camp out…”

“I’m positive that Buffy still wants revenge for waking her up with the sing along. Are we still banned from Giles’ place?”

“Hey, who knew roasting marshmallows with a cigarette lighter on carpeting was dangerous?”

“God that was great. I guess I did have some normal teen moments.”

I'm going to stay eighteen forever   
So we can stay like this forever   
And we'll never miss a party   
cause we keep them going constantly   
And we'll never have to listen   
to anyone about anything   
cause it's all been done and it's all been said   
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get 

"Whoever wrote the Toys ‘R’ Us theme had it down pat. I’m skipping my birthday next week, and staying a kid. I’ve had the best year with you Spike.”

“I don’t care if I’m mushy. We are the coolest people I know; we are a walking party!”

“Don’t listen to the girls. They’re just worried you’ll break my heart or eat my spleen.”

Get the hell out of this town   
Find some conversation   
The low fuel lights been on for days   
It doesn't mean anything   
I've got another 500 another 500 miles   
before we shut this engine down,   
we shut it down 

“I can’t wait until we get out of this town.”

“Yeah, living together is going to be a trip. At least no one has to worry about us having little Vampy Whelp babies.”

“We can get married… in Canada… that’s 500 miles away, if we go to Ontario.”

“Well, it’s less than that from Cleveland.”

“I’m not saying immediately… I’d like my friends to get used to me being gay first…”

“No, it doesn’t bother me that they don’t fully approve. I’m almost 21; I think for myself.” 

“Spike, it isn’t an issue.”

They're just jealous cause I'm young and in love   
Your stomachs filled up but you're starved for conversation  
You're spending all your nights growing old in your bed  
and you’re tearing up your photos cause you want to forget... it's over 

 

”I doubt Angel’ll stay mad at me forever… I love you Spike. Focus on that.”

“Yeah, lets get some food. We’ll talk more about this later…”

“I’ll do anything, please don’t leave.”

“I have no family, you’re really all I have. It doesn’t matter that you’re more educated, and older. I love you.”

“Look, my parents obviously don’t count. Right now they’re ripping up my baby pictures forgetting they had a son.”

“Yeah Mcdonald's is fine. Let’s just eat.”

END


	13. All You Ever Wanted (5 of 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: All You Ever Wanted  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Xander’s relationship makes him choose between his happiness and someone elses.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Okay I Believe You But my Tommy Gun Don’t- Brand New.   
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.  
> Author’s note: Originally written as a nonSpander story. Tweaked it.

'm heaven sent,   
Don’t you dare forget.  
I am all you've wanted,  
What all the other boys all promised.  
Sorry I told. I just needed you to know.

 

“Get out of my room, you cold insensitive bastard!” Spike screams, as he gathered Xander’s laundry off the floor and throw it at him.

“I thought you loved me! Do you honestly believe I would hurt you for any reason!” Xander pleaded. “You need to understand, breaking up is the best thing I can do for you. I love you too much to see you destroyed…”

“Oh, and breaking my heart doesn't hurt? Isn't that the one thing you promised? That you'd never hurt me? Well, fuck that Xander, you just broke that promise.”

I think in decimals and dollars.  
I am the cause to all your problems,  
Shelter from cold. We are never alone.  
Coordinate brain and mouth.  
Then ask me what it's like to have   
myself so figured out.  
I wish I know.

“I wish you'd stop crying; It’s not going to help the situation. You see I've been thinking this over in my head. I wish this wasn't the only option we have left.”

“The day when giving up is our last hope, then that's the day I quit!”

“Look its either my job or our relationship! I can’t in good conscience decide to ruin this for the girls. We're Screwed. Angel warned us, being gay would either end up ruining the group by tension in the group, or by something in our lives. I want to kill the the guy who told my boss that I was gay. They screwed us!”

“So its love or money, and you chose money!”

“Spike, its just not our decision! Do you want to tell Dawn and Buffy that we'd rather be fuck buddies then help them keep what’s left of their family together?”

“Whatever. Just leave now,” Spike said, glaring at Xander through tear stained eyes.

“Like I wasn't upset enough before. Isn't life great… It waits till your hands are tied, then fucks you up the ass!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I hope this song starts a craze.  
The kind of song that ignites the airwaves.  
The kind of song that makes people glad   
to be where they are,  
With whoever they're there with.  
This is war.  
Every line is about,  
who I don't want to write about anymore.

 

Unfortunately the only thing keeping Spike sane these past few days while the fate of his heart was up in the air, was writing stupid love poems. All of them about Xander. 

“Free will, my ass. The only right you have is the freedom to do what everyone else is doing,” Spike muttered to himself.

Hope you come down with something  
They can’t diagnose, don't have the cure for.  
Holding on to your grudge.  
Oh it's so hard to have someone to love.  
And keeping quiet is hard.  
'Cause you can't keep a secret   
If it never was a secret to start.  
At least pretend you didn't want to get caught.

Spike wished Xander would just die. Maybe not him physically, but whatever part of him that's inside him, nagging Spike.

“It's all your fault you know. You were always horny; we could never go anywhere without making out. I was beginning to think your hand was a natural appendage under my pants,” Spike said to the imaginary Xander.

“Then again I'm the one who'd stumble around town screaming my love for you…Who would have thought I would cause a scandal without doing anything evil?” Spike scoffed. “Giles hangs out with teenagers. Willow tried to end the world. Dawn steals. Buffy acts like she’s 16. Yet our behavior is unacceptable. You have to love this society. It took the one thing I was proud of. The one thing I needed. The only thing I have to keep me sane. The only thing I ever wanted, and the kill it for me. Fuckers.”

Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.  
We are entirely smooth.   
We admit to the truth,  
We are the best at what we do.  
And these are the words you wish you wrote down.

 

Xander was at a loss on what to do. He knew what his heart wanted, but he really couldn’t see being happy with Spike if it meant Buffy and Dawn would suffer. It annoyed him that Buffy and Dawn never once told him to follow his own happiness. It annoyed him that he was the only one outside Anya and Giles with a real source of income. 

When did Xander become the adult in the group? It sucked, supporting a family that he didn’t get the fun of making. He knew he would give anything for the girls, but wasn't it time for someone else to be responsible?

Wasn’t Giles getting paid to be Buffy’s watcher? That should mean they gave him money to keep her stable and focused. Even his construction site had a budget for fixing the site’s tools.

Which brought him to the real problem at hand. Wasn’t it illegal for him to be fired based on his sexual orientation? Since when did being gay affect his ability to run his construction projects? 

Xander collected his thoughts and wrote down rational statements and outlined his thoughts. He resolved to sort this out the next day at work.

This is the way you wish your voice sounds,  
Handsome and smart.  
Oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body  
That works harder than my heart.  
And it's all from watching TV,  
And from speeding up my breathing.  
Wouldn’t stop if I could.  
Oh it hurts to be this good.  
You’re holding on to your grudge.  
Oh it hurts to always have to be honest  
With the one that you love.  
Oh, to let it go.

Xander spoke to his boss the next day and tried to sound calm and collected as he made his arguments.

“Look, I know I can’t fire you for being gay. I personally don’t give a fuck for who you get it up for; I only care about how the site runs. Right now half the crew doesn’t want to work for you. They’re afraid you’ll tackle them and make them gay. I know it’s stupid. I know you’re a good employee. I need you to either quit or basically bring a girl to the bar after work and prove your manhood,” Xander’s boss explained exasperated.

“Or?”

“Or I fire you. California is an “at will” employment state. I don’t have to give a reason for firing you as long as I don’t block your unemployment from going through. No one who works here will back up any claims of discrimination, so take your pick.”

Xander knew his back was against a wall. He didn’t really care. He wasn’t going to make a scene or make up a fake life for some homophobes.

“Will you at least give me a good letter of recommendation?”

“Of course Harris. You’re a good kid. I can’t guarantee that another site will hire you once the word spreads.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We’re concentrated on falling apart.  
We were contenders, not through in the fight.  
I was just wanted to believe, I just want to believe,  
I just want to believe.  
We're concentrated on falling apart.  
We were contenders, not through in the fight.  
I was just want to believe, I just want to believe,  
I just want to believe, in us.

“You know, Buffy, I really wanted to believe that you would be happy for me. That you would understand that I deserve my happiness.”

“You can be happy, but what about us? It makes you happy to leave us high and dry? What about Dawn? Don’t you care about what happens to her?” Buffy screamed.

“Buffy you took the same classes in school I did. In fact you have a couple semesters of college under your belt. You are just as capable, if not more so, of getting a job and taking care of your life.”

“Yeah, so I can save the world and flip burgers for my troubles.”

“I don’t know where you got this idea that you were entitled to a free ride, but don’t look at me to give it you anymore. Things are too tough- call Giles.”

This is the craze that only we can bestow.  
This is the price you pay for loss of control.  
This is the break in the bend;  
This is the closest of calls.  
This is the reason you're alone,  
this is the reason you breathe.

“This is so unfair!” Spike exclaimed.

“That's life!”

“I wasn't talking about life, I meant all this sodding bullshit. Why can’t this be easy? Why should it be us against your friend’s happiness?” Spike whined.

“It’s the test of manhood,” Xander offers, “to see if you can handle the pressure and pain of love; to see if you can remain completely unselfish for someone else's sake.”

“I’d do that for you Xander. You're the only reason I breathe, you're my future, my sanity, and my desire…”

“I feel the same; but can we stay in love when our superiors and closest friends here want to destroy us, and kill our love?”

Spike just scowled.

“This is as close to murder as anyone can get- removing someone's will to live.” You could hear the pain in Xander’s voice.

“So that’s it, you give up?” Spike said angrily.

“No I just wanted you to know that.”

“I really hope you’re right, because I believe you with all my heart.”

“I just want to believe in something static. Like our love. All I need to believe is us.”

“So now what, Pet? Now that the happy family show is over and the Kumbayahs are sung?”

“We move Spike. We pursue our own happiness.” 

I just want to believe in us

That’s all it took to cement our hearts, that one small oath. 

It will now be tattooed on our minds forever. 

It’s the single thought we’ll have in our head during sex.

It’s what we’ll thank god for everyday.

It’s the epitaph for our collective soul.

It’s our fairy tale ending.

We’ll live happily ever after. No matter what tries to splits up. 

We will always love each other. 

That's the bottom line.


	14. Only Guy on The Planet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: The Only Guy on The Planet  
> Chapter: Day 9 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge, Stand alone piece  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander,  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Based on the following prompt from Lady Q:Write a story where Xander gets hurt and the medicine that the doctor gives him makes him loopy, silly, and honest about his feelings about everyone even his feelings for Spike  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Ain’t No Other Man- Christina Agulieria  
> Beta(s): None, I slacked off on vacation.  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

Xander was injured patrolling again. Not seriously, but enough to warrant me being stuck as his sodding baby sitter. He was on some pretty strong pain killers. This was going to be a real treat. Xander was nearly intolerable while he was babbling stone sober, but now under the influence, he was bound to be bloody Socrates.

“Blondie I can’t tell you how much it means that you’re here for me.”

“Didn’t have much choice did I? Your friends have lives apparently. Miss the demon Bint, she was always good to patch you up and let me have my alone time”

Xander gave off the most unmanly giggle I had ever heard, then proceeded to flash me a dazzling smile. “I personally am glad you’re here and not anyone else. I like it when I get you to myself”.

“Since when, have you gone round the bend? You almost as much time snarking at me as the Slayer spends beating me up. I feel like I should make a sodding blow up doll for you lot.”

“Aw, didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I was just joking around. They say you always hurt the ones you love.” 

 

(Do your thang honey)

I could feel it from the start  
Couldn't stand to be apart  
Something ‘bout you caught my eye  
Something moved me deep inside

I don't know what you did boy but you had it  
And I've been hooked ever since

“Easy, people are going to start thinking you are batting for the other team”. The kid obviously must have popped an extra pain killer because he was caned. Seriously if you looked sideways at his comment he was saying he loved me.

“That’s okay everyone already knows that I have a big manly gay crush on you. Even Anya.”

I did a spit take at that.

 

I told my mother, my brother, my sister and my friends  
Told the others, my lovers from past and present tense  
That every time I see you everything starts making sense

(Do your thang honey)

Ain't no other man can stand up next to you  
Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do  
You're the kinda guy a girl finds in a blue moon  
You got soul, you got class, you got style with your bad ass

Ain't no other man, it's true  
Ain't no other man but you

“Oh, yeah around the time of the Buffy Bot when we all thought Buffy was sleeping with you. I told her no one would judge her because you were such a hottie. Plus you go around saving my life a lot. Easy for me to get with the mushy feelings over here.”

 

“I don’t know if I should take you to the clinic for an overdose, or if I should tape this and play it back when you sober up.”

“I’m not that loopy. Well, okay I am. But I’m not making this up. Just confessy what with the lowered inhibitions”. 

Never thought I'd be alright, no no no  
?Til you came and changed my life, yeah yeah yeah  
What was cloudy now is clear, yeah yeah  
You're the light that I needed

You got what I want boy and I want it  
So keep on givin' it up  
“Hottie? What are you a 12 year old teen?”

“Who couldn’t appreciate the cheek bones, the steel blue eyes, that whole creature of the night vibe. I bet people walking more firmly on the straight side of life would admit you’re a hottie.”

“Can you stop saying that. You are making someone who has seen 200 years on this forsaken planet uncomfortable.”

So tell your mother, your brother, your sister and your friends  
And the others, your lovers, better not be present tense  
?Cause I want everyone to know that you are mine and no one else's  
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net ]

Ain't no other man can stand up next to you  
Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do  
You're the kinda guy a girl finds in a blue moon  
You got soul, you got class, you got style with your bad ass

“Listen, you can either get with the wiggins and get out, or you can come to terms with this and we can have some horizontal fun. The girls have been nagging me for weeks to make a move. If I don’t tell them we resolved some of the serious UST tonight, I am afraid Anya will tie you to my bed and tape us.”

Ain't no other man, it's true  
Ain't no other man but you

(Break it down now)

Ain't no other, ain't, ain't no other other  
Ain't no other, ain't, ain't no other lover  
Ain't no other, I-I-I need no other  
Ain't no other man but you

“That’s it I am calling Giles and Buffy. This has to be a side effect of the demon or another haywire from Red.”

“It’s not that hard to believe when you think about it, you have been there through some of my worst moments and you still come out and play pool with me. We haven’t paid you in weeks and you still fight with us. YOur insults have even lost a lot of the nastiness. Face it Spike we’re friends.” 

 

You are there when I'm a mess  
Talk me down from every ledge  
Give me strength, boy you're the best  
You're the only one who's ever passed every test

“Friends is one thing. Doesn’t mean I am going to drop my drawers because you have the stones to admit you can see how obviously great I am.”

“Sure you will, I’m a nummy treat remember.”

Bullocks.


	15. I'm Not The One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary:Spike has had it.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is U+UR Hand- P!nk

Spike was feeling foul. Buffy and her friends had him running around town all week doing their dirty work. Then when the bad guy of the week was slain, they dismissed him like some trained pooch.

What’s worse was now that he was out by himself enjoying some libations, he had the slayer’s donut boy staring at him. Spike knew the boy was attracted to him. He could smell it on him. Rolling off of him in waves, it was.

Spike just kept taking his shots and playing pool by himself. Trying to salvage what was left of his night. That was until Xander walked up and put his hand on Spike’s back.

Check it out  
Going out  
On the late night  
Looking tight  
Feeling nice  
It's a **** fight  
I can tell  
I just know  
That it's going down  
Tonight  
At the door we don't wait cause we know them  
At the bar six shots just beginning  
That's when dick head put his hands on me  
But you see

“Mind if I join you? I thought the girls were coming out tonight but I guess they went back to the dorms.”

“Because Red telling you that she and Buffy were going back to the dorms to work on their psychology papers wasn’t clear enough. That’s pushing it even for someone as stupid as you.”

See this was the problem with the Scoobies. They weren’t bad kids for white hats and Spike didn’t honestly have a problem being surrounded by them anymore. The thing was they all had a sense of entitlement. 

When they called, Spike was supposed to some running. ‘How high should I jump?’ and all that crap. Now that the white night wanted something from Spike, he was expected to bend over. As if the whelp hadn’t been picking at his sore spots all night.

Bugger that.

“Look, I just want to be alone. I’m not corrupting virgins or murdering puppies, so it’s none of your business what I’m up to.”

“Jeez, I just wanted to have a few beers and play pool.”

“I spent my beer money already so you’re out of luck.”

“Fine, so it’s on me..”

“Since when do you hang out with Vampires? Since when do you have extra dosh to flit around on people who aren’t your friends?”

“We’re friends.”

“No, we’re business acquaintances. I help you lot so I end up out of the dust bin.”

I'm not here for your entertainment  
You don't really want to mess with me tonight  
Just stop and take a second  
I was fine before you walked into my life  
Cause you know it's over  
Before it began  
Keep your drink just give me the money  
It's just you and your hand tonight

The whelp left him alone for the rest of the night. Acted like nothing happened and found some pretty little bint to chat up. He ended up leaving alone, as did I. It was the way Spike had wanted to night to go.

Midnight  
I'm drunk  
I don't give a ***k  
Wanna dance  
By myself  
Guess you're outta luck  
Don't touch  
Back up  
I'm not the one  
Buh bye  
Listen up it's just not happening  
You can say what you want to your boyfriends  
Just let me have my fun tonight  
Aiight

On the way home from the bar, Spike walked around in a drunken haze. Looking for a fight and dancing on and off the tombstones. He felt like he won something. By not going home and being the kids fuck buddy for the night he maintained some dignity. He was still a man because he didn’t give the Scoobies everything they wanted from him. A voice from behind him pulled him out of his victory party.

“Spike are you okay? You seem kind of drunk. Want some help getting home?”

Bollocks. It was the boy again.

 

I'm not here for your entertainment  
You don't really want to mess with me tonight  
Just stop and take a second  
I was fine before you walked into my life  
Cause you know it's over  
Before it began  
Keep your drink just give me the money  
It's just you and your hand tonight

“Look go home Xander. I do not want or need your help.”

“I’m just worried about you.”

“You shouldn’t be. I’m a demon and I can take care of myself. We’ve been over this once tonight. I am not you friend. You shouldn’t care.”

“But I do. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

In the corner with your boys you bet 'em five bucks  
You'd get the girl that just walked in but she thinks you suck  
We didn't get all dressed up just for you to see  
So quit spilling your drinks on me yeah

You know who you are  
High fivin, talking ****, but you're going home alone arentcha?

“Why? Do you think if you act all chivalrous I’ll bend over for you?”

“No, it’s not like that.”

“Do you have some bet going with Buffy over how many vamps you could shag? Death wish?”

“No, look...”

“I am not your pet vamp. I am not a wind up toy or a blow up doll for you to use however you want.”

“Spike...”

“ENOUGH!”

Xander looked shaken after the bellow, and Spike could smell the humiliation and regret pouring off of him. 

Good. That should teach the boy.

 

Cause I'm not here for your entertainment  
No  
You don't really want to mess with me tonight  
Just stop and take a second  
Just stop and take a second  
I was fine before you walked into my life  
Cause you know it's over  
Know it's over  
Before it began  
Keep your drink just give me the money  
It's just you and your hand tonight  
It's just you and your hand

Xander turned to walk away looking at his feet. As he was leaving Spike smelled something else. Hurt, sorrow, and the bitter tang of rejection and unrequited love.

Spike blinked at this revelation, but then shook his head. If Xander cared, he would try again. It’s not like Buffy wouldn’t be yanking the string on his back like a bloody yo-yo.


	16. Summer Lovin' part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Xander dishes about his summer fling. Based on the following prompt from Kahuna Burgar: Write a Spander story (prolly either HAU or the beginning of season 4) modeled on the song Summer Lovin' from Grease. Spike and Xander each describe their summer fling to friends with significant biases. Optional but prefered - both are telling the story as if their fling was female.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Summer Lovin from Grease.  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

Xander: "Basically, I got as far as Oxnard, and the engine fell out of my car. And that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at the fabulous "Ladies Night" club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me, or even spoke to me, until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick, and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement, and I have to pay rent. How's college?"  
Buffy: "Male strippers?"  
Xander: "No power on this earth."

 

Xander had just gotten back from Oxnard and was dishing his summer story to the girls. Who were surprisingly interested. Even more so once he got past the part about being a stripper for one night.

“So what else happened in Oxnard? Any steamy hot love affair with a female fan who saw you on stage and accosted you backstage?” Willow asked whilst bouncing excitedly.

“Willow, Xander worked at a stripclub, not a supermarket romance novel,” Buffy said with an eye roll.

“Well, there was someone,” Xander remarked. He looked like he was considering something for a second before continuing.

Summer loving happened so fast  
I met a girl crazy for me

 

Well-a well-a well-a, huh  
Tell me more, tell me more  
Did you get very far?

 

“I met a girl at work, but she never saw me strip. She was staying at the hotel I was living at.”

“Well, Tell us more...” the girls said, egging him on.

“It was great she was the prettiest blonde I’ve ever seen. Cheek bones, blue eyes, the slightest frame I’ve ever seen. She was muscular but elegant. Her hair ever curled softly when she didn’t style it. Oh and she had the best British accent.”

“She sounds dreamy. How exactly did you meet?” 

She swam by me, she got a cramp  
I saved her life, she nearly drowned

Summer sun, something's begun  
But, oh, oh, the summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more  
Did she put a fight?

 

“She was at the beach one night swimming and she got her foot caught in an underwater seaweed bed, and couldn’t free it. I decided that I should swim out and help her.”

“See, I told you school activities are never wasted. If you weren’t on the swim team you might not have felt confident enough to risk it,” Willow stated smugly.

“Nerdy much? Well, when we were back on shore, I tried to give her mouth to mouth, but it ended up as a huge make out session.”

“I would have hit you,” Buffy said.

 

Took her bowling in the Arcade  
We made out under the dock

Summer fling, don't mean a thing  
But, oh, oh, the summer nights

Well-a well-a well-a huh  
Tell me more, tell me more  
But you don't gotta brag

“We spent every night I was off of work hanging out. I took her on dates to the arcade at the beach. We ended up bowling and then proceeding to spend the rest of the night making out under the dock. We were thrown out by beach patrol.”

“God you pig, didn’t you ever hear that it’s not polite to brag?”

 

She got friendly down in the sand  
Well, she was good you know what I mean

Summer heat, boy and girl meet  
But, oh, oh, the summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more  
Could she get me a friend?

“She was the most amazing person I ever met. If it weren’t for her I would have lost my mind in Oxnard. I would have stayed with her forever, except, you know, it’s Oxnard and, well, that pretty much sums it up.”

“Wow, sounds like a great summer romance, are you going back to visit her? Hey, maybe we could go with you? Does she have a hot older brother?”

Xander giggled nervously. “No, no family what so ever. Nope. I would visit her, but I don’t think she’s there anymore. Kind of stopping by on the way to bigger and badder things.” Xander looked at his shoes at that comment.

So I told her we'd still be friends  
Wonder what she's doing now

Summer dreams ripped at the seams  
But, oh, those summer nights

Xander sighed. “It was the best relationship of my life. I hope I do see her again. She was amazing.” Xander stared out into space as if lost in his memories. 

“What was her name?” Buffy asked.

“Spike,” Xander said distracted.

Buffy and Willow stopped walking.

“SPiKE? Xander you said it was a girl. You have some serious explaining to do.”


	17. Summer Lovin' part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary:Spike dishes about his summer fling. Based on the following prompt from Kahuna Burgar: Write a Spander story (prolly either HAU or the beginning of season 4) modeled on the song Summer Lovin' from Grease. Spike and Xander each describe their summer fling to friends with significant biases. Optional but prefered - both are telling the story as if their fling was female.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Summer Lovin from Grease.
> 
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.  
> ( Read more... )

Spike paced around his crypt excitedly. Clem had stopped by when he heard Spike came back to town and was helping him set up his digs.

“So Spike where were you? You were gone all summer?”

“I went looking for Dru. I couldn’t find her so I was on my way back and I stopped in Oxnard. Well, I met someone else and I don’t think I’ll need my princess anymore. Found myself a knight instead.”

Summer loving had me a blast  
Met a boy cute as can be

Summer days drifting away  
To, oh, oh, the summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more  
Like does he have a car?

“Sounds nice. Did he drive you back here?” Clem asked.

“No, I ended up staying there almost a month and a half.”

“How did you meet him? Must be some story to have you swept of your feet”.

He ran by me, got my suit damp  
He showed off, splashing around

Summer sun, something's begun  
But, oh, oh, the summer nights

Well-a well-a well-a huh  
Tell me more, tell me more  
Was it love at first sight?

“I met him on the beach. It was night of course, but I wanted to go for a swim, feel the salt water on my skin and what not. I got stuck in some seaweed. He must have been watching because he came to my rescue. He even tried to give my mouth to mouth. Must have missed the whole vampire thing. Well, I took him by surprise because while he was giving me life’s breath, I snogged him. He was sweaty and glistening in the moonlight, all panting. I couldn’t resist. It’s been ages since I had a strong male partner.” 

“What did he say? I mean that’’s quite an ice breaker.”

“Nothing at first. I kept his mouth busy you see, when we stopped and came to our senses we realized we knew each other.”

“Oh god, it wasn’t Angel was it?”

“No!” Spike said with a shudder. He’s one of the slayer’s pals. A white hat.”

“Was that it? Did he run away?”

We went strolling, drank lemonade  
We Stayed out till 10 o'clock

Summer fling, don't mean a thing  
But, oh, oh, the summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more  
'Cause he sounds like a drag

“Well he tried to, but I followed him back to his hotel. I explained to him I wouldn’t hurt him. That we were both lonely and that he obviously found me attractive. He didn’t argue.” 

He got friendly, holding my hand  
He was sweet just turned eighteen

Summer heat, boy and girl meet  
But, oh, oh, the summer nights

“I decided to take things slow since he was only 18 and barely experienced. So we went on a couple traditional dates. We went to a fair and I bought him some lemonade that they were squeezing there. I also won him a stuffed bat.”

“That seems awfully romantic of you. You sure you didn’t get some soul residue last spring?”

“I may be evil, but I’m love’s bitch. I know how to treat the one I’m with.”

“Did he do anything sweet for you?”

“Aside from spending all his free time with me losing sleep, no.”

“You dog!”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t have to brag about my conquests. I’m a sexy piece, and I‘d bore you with the numbers.”

“So he never took you out?”

“We went to the arcade, but no, he was saving to fix his car.”

Tell me more, tell me more  
How much dough did he spend?

It turned colder, that's where it ends  
Then we made our true love vow

“So what happened when he got his car back?”

“He came back here and explained his friends would never understand and that we could be friends, but nothing else.”

Summer dreams ripped at the seams  
But, oh, those summer nights

“So why are you here, doesn’t it bother you that he doesn’t want you?”

“Oh, he never said he didn’t want me. Just that his friends were a problem. So I intend on making his friends become no longer a problem.”

“And how do you purpose we do that?”

“Why Clem, have you heard of the Gem of Amara? Makes a Vamp invincible. I plan on finding it and taking back what's mine.”

“Wouldn’t that be breaking your promise?”

“Oh, I said I wouldn’t hurt him. His friends are another matter,” Spike said with an evil smile breaking across his face.


	18. Stereo Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Stereo Hearts  
> Chapter: Day 18 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary:Based on a prompt from Lady Q- Established Relationship: write a story where Xander gets Spike an Ipod what kind of tunes would he be surprised to find on it.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Stereo Hearts- Gym Class Heroes

Xander and Spike celebrated eight years. They didn’t do a mushy dinner, they didn’t do a romantic date. They spent the night alone and had sex. It was perfect. At midnight Xander gave Spike his anniversary gift. A 120GB Ipod Classic. It was exactly what Spike didn’t know he wanted. He immediately scampered off to fill it with music.

 

My hearts a stereo, it beats for you so listen close  
Hear my thoughts in every note, oh oh  
Make me your radio, turn me up when you feel low  
This melody was meant for you, so sing-along to my stereo  
If I was just another dusty record on the shelf  
Would you blow me off and play me like everybody else  
If I asked you to scratch my back could you handle that  
Like yikky-yea tricky Travie, I can handle that

 

Nothing really special happened after the night of the gift. Unless you consider spending everyday as usual with SPike special. Xander did. Xander had alway appreciated the little things about their relationships.Xander loved the way Spike made him laugh, and the way he made him feel like the only man in the world. Xander liked Spike’s little touches to their apartment. 

Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks  
It's just the last girl that played me left a couple tracks  
I used to, used to, used to now I'm over that  
'Cause holding grudges over love is ancient artifacts  
If I could only find the note to make you understand  
I'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hand  
Keep it stuck inside your head like your favorite tune  
And know my hearts a stereo that only plays for you

Xander however, did not like the state Spike left the apartment in some nights. Today all of Spike’s personal effects were laid about the living room. Xander almost stepped on the iPod he bought Spike. Xander stared at the electronic device and wondered if the same rules applied to it as applied to diaries and wallets.

My hearts a stereo, it beats for you so listen close  
Hear my thoughts in every note, oh oh  
Make me your radio, turn me up when you feel low  
This melody was meant for you, so sing-a-long to my stereo  
If I was an old school 50-pound boombox  
Would you hold me on your shoulder wherever you walk  
Would you turn my volume up in front of the cops  
And crank it higher everytime they told you to stop

Xander ended up giving into temptation and searched through Spike’s playlists. He wasn’t surprised to see the various Punk and Ska bands. He wasn’t even surprised to see a large selection of jazz and classical music. He was shocked to see the collection of top 40 music. 

“Gym Class Heros? Marron 5? Really.”

“Now, pet you wouldn’t be going through my things would you?”

And all I ask is that you don't get mad at me  
When you have to purchase mad D Batteries  
Appreciate every mix tape your friends made  
You never know we come and go like on the interstate  
I think I finally found the note to make you understand  
If you can hear then sing a long and take you by the hand  
Just keep it stuck inside your head like your favorite tune  
You know my hearts a stereo that only plays for you

“I didn’t think you’d mind. I was curious about what you would put on it. I gotta say. You have some weird taste in music. I never pegged you as the silly little love song kind of guy.”

“They make me think of you pet. Every love song and poem makes me think about you. Either our relationship as it is, the future, or what life without you would be like.”

“Who says you aren’t a poet anymore?”

My hearts a stereo, it beats for you so listen close  
Hear my thoughts in every note, oh oh  
Make me your radio, turn me up when you feel low  
This melody was meant for you, so sing-a-long to my stereo  
I only pray you'll never leave me behind  
Because good music can be so hard to find  
I'll take your head and hold it closer to mine  
Thought love was dead but now you're changing my mind

 

“Someone who wants to keep their lungs where they are.”  
“See one moment you’re all mushy and stuff and the next you’re all violent. I love that you keep me on my toes”.

"I ... love you. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut ... my throat ... I'm drowning in you,Xander, I'm drowning in you. We have something, Pet. It's not pretty, but it's real, and there's nothing either one of us can do about it. Like it or not, I'm in your life . For eight years more or eternity, you aren’t getting out.”.

“Barring stake or heart attack I feel the same way. Now put on one of your sappy songs and lets dance.”

My hearts a stereo, it beats for you so listen close  
Hear my thoughts in every note, oh oh  
Make me your radio, turn me up when you feel low  
This melody was meant for you, so sing-a-long to my stereo


	19. Unwritten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Unwritten  
> Chapter: Day 19 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary:Based on a prompt from Lady Q- Write a story where Xander deals with the idea of going back to school as an adult-lady q  
> Song  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Unwritten- Nitasha Bedingfeild

Xander paced back and forth across the apartment. The catalogue in his hand waved back and forth. 

“I am not sure this is the best idea. This is crazy. Why did I think this was something I could do without screwing up?” Xander ranted.

“Probably because you know you are secretly better than most people give you credit for luv”. Spike replied.

Xander stood gobsmacked in the living room of the apartment he shared with Spike, his lover.

“You think I can do this?”

“I would smack you on the back of the head if it was worth getting off the couch. Of course I think you can do it. I’m the one who picked up the bleeding brochure, didn't I?” 

“I’ve just never been the academic type here. Plus, I won’t know anyone here. It’s not like I’m going to UC Sunnydale. Just SCC...” Xander trailed off.

“Well obvious somebody thinks you’re worth it, lest they wasted their dosh on the stamp that was on your shiny acceptance letter. University is university. Don’t let some narrow minded pion tell you that one school is better than another. This one has classes you might actually want to take.”

“Ugh, I have to register for classes tonight.”

“Get on with it then, the faster you register, the faster I can shag my college man.”

“I can’t decide”

I am unwritten  
Can't read my mind  
I'm undefined

I'm just beginning  
The pen's in my hand  
Ending unplanned

“Don’t be afraid luv, you’re just procrastinating.”  
“I guess, I know I need to sign up for a writing course and a lit course. Not that I’m excited about that. Papers and writing aren’t really my thing.”

“I can help with that:, Spike offered while looking at the course listings. “Here. College Writing for Professionals, and Victorian Literature I. You might use the writing course and I’ll have a laugh at what they teach you in victorian lit.”

“Wow, thanks. Now, I have to pick a math course and a science course. I think I’m going to take an intro to Civil Engineering course for math. There is a course in Environmental Biology and Industry. It’s a 300 level.”

“So?” 

“Well, it might be too advanced for me. Maybe I should take it slow at first. Don’t want to burn out the two braincells everyone says I have.”

 

Staring at the blank page before you  
Open up the dirty window  
Let the sun illuminate the words  
That you could not find  
Reaching for something in the distance  
So close you can almost taste it  
Release your inhibitions

Spike’s expression softened. “Listen, no one thinks you’re dumb. those who do are people like your parents, who don’t know how perceptive you really are.”

“they aren’t the only ones. Even Giles and the girls look at me with three heads when I come up with a good idea.”

“Well this is your chance to show them.”

Feel the rain on your skin  
No one else can feel it for you  
Only you can let it in  
No one else, no one else  
Can speak the words on your lips  
Drench yourself in words unspoken  
Live your life with arms wide open  
Today is, where your book begins  
The rest is still unwritten  
Yeah  
“Yeah, and watch them laugh in my face when I fail miserably.”

Spike slammed his hand down on the coffee table. “LISTEN!” he took a deep breath, “If you keep playing the role of the goofy sidekick that’s all you will ever be. You can’t keep your fear of failing keep you from realizing your full potential. YOU. CAN. DO. THIS.”

Oh, oh

I break tradition  
Sometimes my tries  
Are outside the lines  
We've been conditioned  
To not make mistakes  
But I can't live that way, oh

Xander sighed and set the course catalogue down and slumped down on the couch that Spike was standing behind.

“What if I’m too old.”

“Xander, older people than you have gone back to school. Don’t be surprised if you are one of the younger men in your class. Come on, lets get your schedule sorted.”

“Eh, I can only take one more class this semester. I figure a drafting course would be cool.”

“Well, now that we’ve settled it, lets go to bed.”

“But, I’m not tired it’s only 8pm.”

“Who said we were going to sleep? I have to bag a college boy. Buffy is ahead of me in that department.”


	20. Homesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter: Day 20 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary:Based on a prompt from Kahuna Burger- Two, Sunnydale is under a tsunami evacuation, but the hellmouth is twitchy, so the Scoobies draw straws for who will stay. Xander cheats to stay and is surprised when Spike joins him and talks him through the tense anticipation with tall tales of disasters he has seen, survived and caused
> 
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Home-Philip Philips

There was an abnormal coastal behavior happening off the shores of Southern California. The scoobies had been discussing all night what should be done. 

“Someone should stay behind and keep an eye on things here. We have no idea what impact the Tsunami will have on some of Sunnydale’s less savory inhabitants.” 

“Oh, so you want volunteer’s to see who risks certain death? Frankly this is Buffy’s job as the Slayer she should be the one sent to a watery grave.” Anya stated matter of factly.

“Anya, that’s probably one of the worst things you could say. Buffy has to take care of Dawn.” Willow admonished.

“So, Buffy is out, now we’re supposed to figure out who’s expendable? I have just learned the joys of money and things. I shouldn’t have to die. I vote Giles. He’s been alive the longest” Anya replied.

“Spike doesn’t need to breath. He could stay.” Dawn added.

“We need someone trustworthy, Spike does not sadly fit that description although he is expendable.” Giles drolled.

“Willow and Giles should come with us and prevent any demons meaning harm from leaving.” Buffy said. “They could cast a spell or something.”

“Well who does that leave?” Willow asked as it dawned on her. “Oh, sorry Xander”.

“It’s okay I know I’m expendable”. Xander said jokingly.

“It’s not that...” Giles began.

“It’s okay. I got this guys. Go and evacuate. Be safe. I will patrol the hellmouth and then get to high ground. I’ll be fine. I’m a carpenter. I do well in natural disasters.”

Hold on, to me as we go  
As we roll down this unfamiliar road  
And although this wave is stringing us along  
Just know you’re not alone  
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

 

The Tsunami did come, and it did do some major damage to the main part of town. Most of parts of town upland were fine though. Xander did as he said and stayed up on the top of the hill overlooking the town and watched the giant wave crash and then went to patrol the area. 

That was how Xander ended up sleeping in the basement of the old Sunnydale high school. The one that burnt down, and was now slightly flooded. He would be stuck camping out for a while because the evacuation was in effect till the end of the week. 

He wasn’t bitter or anything. He knew he was the one without special powers or skills. He didn’t have family to speak of or people to depend on him. It was a smart choice for him to stay behind.

It still stung a little though. He didn’t like being left alone.

“Oy, what brings you here Whelp?”

“Oh I’m on hellmouth patrol”

“I thought you lot would be holed up somewhere safe. Leave the dangerous stuff to the guy who is already dead.”

“I stayed behind. we didn’t know how you would react to the suggestion.’

“The rest of your lot left you here alone?”

“Yeah but it’s okay. Been pretty boring actually.”

“Most demons are smart enough to know when to save their skin.”

 

Settle down, it'll all be clear  
Don't pay no mind to the demons  
They fill you with fear  
The trouble it might drag you down  
If you get lost, you can always be found

“Except for the demons who mess with Buffy, that is. You might as well stay and keep me company. I have been dying for something to do or someone to talk to. You’ll have to do.”

“Whelp. You aren’t my first choice in company either. But, you’re right, might as well pass the time”.

“Is this your first natural disaster?”

“Not hardly! Seen a few and caused a few in my day.”

“So, get with the sharing and reminiscing. No TV for a week so make the stories juicey.”

“Well, in 1890 there was the tornado’s in Louisville. That was a real treat. Haven’t seen one like that until recently. I feasted for days on the homeless left from the wreckage. Made money on all the dosh I stole.” 

“Good to know you know how to exploit a tragedy.”

“Quiet, There was also the ‘Great English Earthquake. That was shortly after I was changed. It was amazing all the fear and the wreckage. I saw an old friend who was by the railroad tracks. It’s how I got the idea for my ‘Spike’ phase. ”

Just know you’re not alone  
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear  
Don't pay no mind to the demons  
They fill you with fear  
The trouble it might drag you down  
If you get lost, you can always be found

Spike and Xander spent the night sharing stories and enjoying each others company. Every morning Xander would leave and do human things, like eat, use the toilet, shower. Every night Spike was back at the school. 

“This was kind of nice Spike, getting to know you and all.”

“You’re not so bad yourself”.

Just know you’re not alone  
Cause I’m going to make this place your home


	21. Because, Because

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Because of You  
> Chapter: Day 21 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary:Based on a prompt from Lady Q: June Monthly Challenge: write a story where Xander confronts his father about the abuse and his lost childhood

Lady Q: June Monthly Challenge: write a story where Xander confronts his father about the abuse and his lost childhood

Xander took a deep breath and steeled himself for the conversation he was about to have in his old home. After years of dealing with the trauma of his childhood with the love and support of his partner Spike. Xander was finally ready to confront his demons.

I will not make  
The same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
'Cause my heart so much misery

Xander wasn’t expecting tears and hugs and forgiveness. He knew better than that. He was expecting drunken rage, fumbled attempts at throwing a punch, and hate filled tyraids. What he hoped for was a quiet goodbye before his parents evacuated with the rest of Sunnydale. 

I will not break  
The way you did, you fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far

So Xander went in he talked to his father. He talked about the abusive words and the drunken threats he made to a child. He talked about why he was afraid to have more than one beer ever in a night. He talked about what is like growing up in a home where he knew he wasn’t loved.

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt

He talked about missed softball games, and graduations, and concerts and plays. He talked about missing out on man to man talks. He talked about not having friends over. He talked about spending birthdays and holidays outside because he couldn’t stand the fighting.

Because of you  
I find it hard to trust  
Not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you, I am afraid

He talked about how he lets women walk all over him because he doesn’t want to turn out like his dad. He talked about the wedding.

I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

He talked about his depression and his suicidal thoughts from his teen years. He talked about his feelings of inadequacy.

I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh, everyday of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with

He talked about hiding his home life from his teachers and his friends. He talked about hidding the truth from himself.

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt

He talked about growing up without a moral compass. He talked about discovering on his own what it meant to be a man. He talked about waking up and looking himself in the eye in the mirror every morning.

Because of you  
I find it hard to trust  
Not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you, I am afraid

He talked about overcoming his fear of failure and getting a good job. He talked about discovering self worth. He talked about his friends and his found family.

I watched you die, I heard you cry  
Every night in your sleep  
I was so young, you should have known  
Better than to lean on me

He talked about closure and scars that wouldn’t heal. He talked about coping. He talked about bruises and broken bones. He talked about moving on from it all.

You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain

Because of you  
He talked of gratitude. He thanked his dad for making him learn to live with nothing. He thanked his dad for teaching him as a teen how to support himself. He thanked his dad for teaching him how not to act. He thanked his dad for being the example of how not to live, love and interact with the world.

I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt

Then they talked about goodbyes. They talked about getting the hell out of each other’s lives. They talked about how they are both better off without the other.

Because of you  
I tried my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in

Then Xander talked about being gay. There was no more talk after that. Just being thrown out on one’s ass. 

Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
Because of you, I am afraid

Xander went home, and embraced Spike. He didn’t have to talk, Spike understood. He just sat there crying in silence letting his lover hold him. He didn’t feel ashamed or guilty, and for the first time in his life he wasn’t afraid.


	22. Hold my Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Hold My Hand  
> Chapter: Day 22 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary:Based on a prompt Lady Q: Established Relationship: The Dreaded Seven Year Itch: Write a story based on the guys having been together for Seven years now and each are worried that the other might have the Seven Year Itch.  
> Song: Hold my Hand- New Found Glory

It was their seventh anniversary and it was supposed to be a wonderful night. They were going out for a fancy dinner, dancing and then going home to each other's arms. It started off perfect. That was until Xander thought Spike was flirting with their waitress and Spike got aggravated that Xander was jealous.

“Christ! It’s been seven years Xander. If I wanted a bird for between my legs I wouldn’t have stayed here this long. You need to get over your insecurities.”

“Well, God forgive me if I get offended when the guy I’ve been seeing for seven years starts eye fucking the server at our anniversary dinner.”

“Xander, get it through your thick skull, you are the one I want. You are the one I choose.”

Xander examined his shoes, what if I’m boring you? You can do so much better.”

The way your hair swings over your eyes  
The motor in my head turns  
Wanting you for such a long time  
In my mind, a heart, a lesson to learn

Do do do do do do do do  
You'll never know,  
I'm after you

Do do do do do do do do  
You'll never know

Xander looked up at Spike through long lashes. Spike wanted to cry at the beauty of it. If he needed to breath his breath would have been caught in his throat.

“There is no one better luv. I’ve been looking for you for centuries.”

And you smell like,  
How angels oughta smell  
And you look like  
You're ready to go

So hold my hand  
I'll take you everywhere  
Anywhere  
You wanna go

“I love you Xander, I love everything about you. The way you come home from work smelling like sun and sweat.” Spike got down on one knee so he was eye level with Xander. “I have traveled the world several times and have never found someone who amazes me every day like you do. Someday I will take you to see every square inch of the world.”

The way your words keep me in a line  
I know what I'm here for  
Waking up to the green of your eyes  
It's something I'll get used to (Oh!)

Do do do do do do do do  
You'll never know,  
I'm after you

Do do do do do do do do  
You'll never know

“I love the way you see past the monster in favor of the man. I love how you never give up on thinking I am capable of being a man worthy of your love. I love how you hold me accountable for my actions without writing me off as a lost cause. I love waking up every day next to you”

The two shared a bone crushing hug and a smoldering kiss.

“I love you too Spike”  
And you smell like,  
How angels oughta smell  
And you look like  
You're ready to go

“I love the way you smell like cigarettes and leather and sex. I love how you are so confident and sexy. I love how you make me feel sexy by default.”

So hold my hand  
I'll take you everywhere  
Anywhere  
You wanna go

So come on and hold my hand (Hold my hand)  
I'll take you everywhere (Everywhere)  
Anywhere  
I'll take you anywhere  
So let's go  
“I want to see the world with you. I want to hear your stories about all the places you’ve been. I want to make every place on Earth ours. I want to make the world new for you”.

 

The way your hair swings over your eyes  
The way your words keep me in a line  
I'm telling you for the very last time  
You better know

“I love the way you run your fingers through your hair when you are worried or upset. I love the way you have never made me feel like a doughnut boy or sidekick. I love how you make me snap out of every bad mood. How you never let me wallow in self pity.”

And you smell like,  
How angels oughta smell  
And you look like  
You're ready to go

So hold my hand  
I'll take you everywhere  
Anywhere  
You wanna go

“Sounds like bleeding wedding vows.” Spike said as they embraced again.

“Might as well be. This is it forever for me.”

So come on and hold my hand (Hold my hand)  
I'll take you everywhere (Everywhere)  
Anywhere  
You wanna go


	23. Collision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter: Day 23 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary:Based on a prompt from lusciousxander: "I'd like a fic about Xander coming out to his friends or his friends discovering he's with Spike. No character bashing, especially from Buffy, I want this to be a fun yet serious story about how canon characters will react to this peice of news. It'll be so hard to accept the idea, there'll be lots of objections, but eventually they'll try for Xander, and it'll take them so long to warm up to Spike, who on his part is still rude to them and making it so difficult for them to like him."

It was the day Xander had been dreading for almost a year. The day his friends found out he was sleeping with Spike. It was the fuck up of a lifetime as far as they were all concerned. Not because he was dating Spike, but because he lied about it and hid it from them. Spike was hurt from being a dirty little secret for so long. It just wasn’t going to be an easy day.

 

I've been waiting for a good day   
I've been holding back long enough   
I've been hurting to tell you some things   
it's not the falling of the temperature   
that's making all our bones run cold  
it's the breeze you make   
the presence felt when you're around me 

“You know I’ve known you since kindergarten mister. Why did you think you had to hid this from me? You know I understand the not wanting to let people know about the whole dating the evil undead thing. But not telling us you were gay? Did you not think I’d understand. Kinda the alternative lifestyle pioneer of the group.” Willow said while giving him her resolve face.

and it feels like I'm at an all-time low   
slightly bruised and broken  
from our head on collision   
I've never seen this side of you   
another tragic case of feeling   
bruised and broken   
form our head on collision   
I've never seen this side of you   
another tragic case 

 

“I mean you deprived me of multiple chances to get back for all the remarks about Angel and how romance and Vampires don’t mix. COme to think of it I should have known. You and Spike haven’t been throwing around as many death threats lately. First the death threats go and then comes the horizontal mambo. Plus you know he is all compact and muscley- Oh my God we Are totally blind. How could we miss it”, Buffy mused.

 

and I'm still waiting for a good day   
I think I've held this long enough   
I think it's safe to tell you some things   
it's not just what you say to people   
and it's not the way you look at me   
it's the way you present yourself   
for all your worst critics to see 

“Really Xander, one would think after all the time spent around the Watcher’s diaries and mystical tomes you would have actually learned something. Spike isn’t like Angel he doesn’t have a soul. I suppose you do have a history with becoming romantically involved with demons. I trust you know what you are getting yourself into?” Giles lectured. 

and it feels like I'm at an all-time low   
slightly bruised and broken  
from our head on collision   
I've never seen this side of you   
another tragic case of feeling   
bruised and broken   
form our head on collision   
I've never seen this side of you   
another tragic case 

“I think it’s great. You two rock and you two being together makes me happy!” Dawn squealed.

Xander was relieved. Dawn wasn’t angry or disappointed. Once again she saw past all the other drama and put it in terms that mattered to her. She was happy, she didn’t care about anything else.

then you were gone   
you were gone   
all this time you just didn't know it yet   
you were gone   
all this time you just didn't know it yet   
you were gone 

For the most part they were all taking it better than Xander expected. Spike seemed to be the only one still hanging on to the disappointment and anger. He was right to be hurt and upset. He felt betrayed. He was gone. Spike gave Xander some rubbish about giving him time to think and sing his cumbyahs with the other scoobies. Xander knew the truth. Of all the people he hurt by his sneaking around, Spike was the one who got the worst of it. 

and it feels like I'm at an all-time low   
slightly bruised and broken  
form our head on collision   
I've never seen this side of you   
another tragic case of feeling   
bruised and broken   
from our head on collision   
I've never seen this side of you   
another tragic case   
another tragic case of feeling   
bruised and broken   
another tragic case and I've been   
still waiting for a good day   
still waiting for a good day

 

“You know I never expected a crypt for two and white picket fences, but I never wanted to be your dirty little secret. If I’m not good enough for you then maybe this should end. I don’t want to wait around for you tro chose them over me again.”

“I’ll never have to do that Spike. They understand. I underestimated them.”

“Doesn’t matter, it will happen again. Maybe about work, or family. You won’t ever put me first.”

“I know I screwed things up, but the who admitting I’m gay and shacking up with the creature of the night- can’t you see how it would give me a case of the wiggins? I love you, and you stood by me for so long. DOn’t give up on me now. Give me a chance to make this right.”

“There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again on both sides. You have to learn if we can fit in each others lives. I’m not going to wait around for you to outgrow me”.

“Spike, that won’t happen. I need you. It’s time that I start showing you that again.


	24. One Thing Leads to Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: One thing  
> Chapter: Day 24 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Make up sex  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is One thing- One Direction, Based on a prompt by Lady Q: write a story where Xander buys an item that changes his life. : Note: Item can be anything that the muse's wants from buttons to a dildo  
> Beta(s): None, I slacked off on vacation.  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.Author’s note: Originally written as a nonSpander story. Tweeked it.

Xander checked out his image in the mirror. He bought a pair of designer jeans from the consignment shop down the street. Dolce and Gabbana jeans that fit him like a glove. Jeans that formed to his ass. Figures that jeans designed for a man for his gay lover would be the most sensual and erotic piece of clothes he owned, and he was completely covered. The pale denim stood out against the diesel shirt he bought. The twin chest pockets made his muscled pecs stand out.  
I've tried playing it cool  
But when I'm looking at you  
I can’t ever be brave  
'Cause you make my heart race

Xander was excited. He bought some new clothes. Man catching clothes. Spike may not have paid attention to him before, but he was sure to notice Xander now. Xander had never felt so confident in clothes before. Not that he felt confident without them. The new look was just sure to grab attention. The best part was it didn’t make him look like he was seeking attention.

Shot me out of the sky  
You're my kryptonite  
You keep making me weak  
Yeah, frozen and can't breathe

Xander caught up with Spike at the Bronze and the two began a comfortable leisurely game of pool. Xander smirked as he caught Spike checking out his rear when he lined up some shots. He knew the outfit would work.

Something’s gotta give now  
'Cause I’m dying just to make you see  
That I need you here with me now  
'Cause you've got that one thing

Spike seemed to be more pliant than previous guys nights out. He let himself be pushed into pool games, to dart games, to companionable drinking without a protest. They even shared an onion bloom. Xander was happy to admit that not one nasty barb was exchanged.

[All - Chorus]  
So get out, get out, get out of my head  
And fall into my arms instead  
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is  
But I need that one thing  
And you've got that one thing

 

Xander was hesitant about whether he should push his luck and ask Spike to go on the floor and dance with him. Finally he went on the floor and let Spike make his own decisions.  
Now I'm climbing the walls  
But you don't notice at all  
That I'm going out of my mind  
All day and all night

Xander was disappointed when Spike stayed at the table, but admittedly Xander knew it was a long shot. He did note however, that Spike seemed to be watching his every move. Xander decided that the new clothes were probably the best thing he’s bought in awhile.

Something’s gotta give now  
'Cause I'm dying just to know your name  
And I need you here with me now  
'Cause you've got that one thing

After the Bronze they went for a stroll under the guise of patrolling. They picked a quieter area of town, so the chance of action was pretty slim. It was also the path that would take the longest to get back to Xander’s home.

[All - Chorus]  
So get out, get out, get out of my head  
And fall into my arms instead  
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is  
But I need that one thing

They finally made it to Xander’s place without incident. The walk was nice. Filled with pleasant conversations and stories. When Xander made it to his door he lingered. It was now or never. Given the events of the night Xander felt that he had an improved shot. 

So get out, get out, get out of my mind  
And come on, come into my life  
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is  
But I need that one thing  
And you've got that one thing

Throwing caution to the wind he kissed Spike deeply and forcefully. It was the most amazing and steamy kiss of his entire life.

“Do you want to come up?” Xander asked nonchalantly.

“Don’t have anything particularly better to do luv” Spike replied

Woah-oh-oh-oh  
Woah-oh-oh-oh  
Woah-oh-oh-oh  
You've got that one thing  
Get out, get out, get out of my head  
And fall into my arms instead

“What’s gotten into you pet?” Spike asked as he was ushered through the door.

“What do you mean?” 

“There’s something different. YOu seem more sure of yourself.” 

“Oh, it’s just the new clothes. I knew you’d like them. Now that you’re here, I’m thinking they’d be better off.”

Spike paused and removed Xander’s hands from the buckle of his pants. “No, it’s not the clothes. You look like a bleeding twink. It’s your attitude, you’re getting out of your own way”

“At this point I don’t care whether you like the new outfit or not. I got you here one way or another. I have plans for you that don’t involve wearing anything.”

 

[All - Chorus]  
So get out, get out, get out of my head  
And fall into my arms instead  
I don't, I don't, don't know what it is  
But I need that one thing


	25. Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: beautiful  
> Chapter: Day 25 of 28 of my Songfic Challeng  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Pairing, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Make up sex  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Beautiful- One Direction. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Xander stared at himself in the mirror and simply agreed that even with the eye patch his was a face that a mother would call the police on in order to keep him away from her daughter  
> Beta(s): None, I slacked off on vacation.  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the write

Xander stared at himself in the mirror and simply agreed that even with the eyepatch his was a face that a mother would call the police on in order to keep him away from her daughter. It was just another way he was inadequate for anyones affection or attention. No wonder he was alone. 

You're insecure  
Don't know what for  
You're turning heads when you walk through the door  
Don't need make up  
To cover up  
Being the way that you are is enough  
Everyone else in the room can see it  
Everyone else but you

Xander threw on whatever his hand touched first and left for the weekly meeting at the magic box. He didn’t even bother to brush his hair. He knew no one would notice. They all had their own problems.

Baby you light up my world like nobody else  
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed  
But when you smile at the ground it aint hard to tell  
You don't know  
Oh Oh  
You don't know you're beautiful

When he got to the magic box he hung out in the back of the store until the meeting started and took a seat in the back of the group. He listened to Giles drawl on about the latest creature feature and felt sorry about himself. 

If only you saw what I can see  
You'll understand why I want you so desperately  
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe  
You don't know  
Oh oh  
You don't know you're beautiful  
Oh oh  
That what makes you beautiful

Spike arrived to the meeting late and took a seat off to the side. He liked watching the group. Buffy and Dawn were arguing quietly about whether Dawn could go on patrol, Willow and Kennedy were giggling and in love. Xander sat in the back disengaged and shrunken in to himself. 

That bothered Spike. He knew the boy was having trouble adjusting to life with one eye, but he was surprised to see him so obviously in pain over it. Xander was the one who you could depend on to make the best of things and adapt. 

So c-come on  
You got it wrong  
To prove I'm right I put it in a song  
I don't know why  
You're being shy  
And turn away when I look into your eyes

Spike didn’t realize he was openly staring at Xander until the boy caught his eyes and looked away ashamed. Spike knew he had to do something. He just wasn’t sure what yet.

Everyone else in the room can see it  
Everyone else but you  
Baby you light up my world like nobody else  
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed  
But when you smile at the ground it aint hard to tell  
You don't know  
Oh Oh  
You don't know you're beautiful

Spike showed up at Xander’s door an hour later with a six pack of beer and some salty snacks. He also had a box of twinkies just for Xander.

“What are you doing here Spike? Come to kick me when I’m down?”

“No, I’m here to get your sorry arse to stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

“What do you care?”

“I know what it’s like to feel disabled and useless. I did a stint in a wheelchair a while back? Know what that feels like to a creature who is near invincible?”

“That’s not the only part. I had bad luck in the romance department before I lost parts. Girls didn’t want me then. Who could love a face like this. I feel useless and ugly. I'm the one working hard to earn a living and it's a huge joke to them.”

“You pet, are far from ugly. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. You are smart, witty and funny. You are the most observant one of the lot. What you said to dawn about being the one who isn’t chosen and all that rot was the most empathetic and moving speech I have ever heard. You are loyal and brave. You are proof that even an "average" person can make a difference and save the world”.

“You really think that?” 

“Yes, you’re gorgeous. Even with one eye you are the most beautiful creature to walk the earth inside and out.”

If only you saw what I can see  
You'll understand why I want you so desperately  
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe  
You don't know  
Oh Oh  
You don't know you're beautiful  
Oh oh  
You don't know you're beautiful  
Oh oh  
That's what makes you beautiful


	26. Type Casting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Type Casting  
> Chapter: Day 26 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge, Stand alone piece  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander,  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Based on the following prompt from Qwerty_Lee: Comedy: In which oblivious!Spike refuses to admit he has a "type", and uses Xander as an example.  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is Roll to Me- Del Amirtri  
> Beta(s): None, I slacked off on vacation.  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

Xander, Willow and Spike were sitting at the magic box waiting for the rest of the gang to arrive for their meeting. Somehow the conversation had gone to Spike’s taste in lovers.

“I do not have a bloody type.” Spike snorted.

“Well, you do kind of date people who look alike and act kinda similar.” Willow offered.

“I mean Angel, Drusilla, Halfrak, your date to my wedding. All tall brunettes.”

Look around your world pretty Baby  
Is it everythin' you hoped it'd be?  
The wrong guy, the wrong situation  
The right time to roll to me  
Roll to me

“So, they act nothing alike.”

“Angel and Dru are not known for their sanity, Halfrak is a vengeance demon, so you can assume she’s walking the other side of sane.” Xander interjected.

“Plus they all have that violence thing going on.” Willow added.

“What about Ivy, the girl I brought to you wedding- if you’d call it that.”

“Look what she did to her hair and face. So not sane territory. Plus, dating a Vampire” Xander snerked.

“So dating a Vampire makes you crazy?” Spike asked, cocking an eyebrow.

 

Look into your heart pretty baby  
Is it achin' with some nameless need?  
Is there somethin' wrong  
And you can't put your finger on it?  
Right then, roll to me

And I don't think  
I have ever seen a soul so in despair  
So if you want to talk the night through  
(Ooh)  
Guess who will be there?  
(Aaa)

“What about Har... Oh bugger, what about Buffy?”

“She might not be a tall brunette, but your relationship had more than a smattering of violence.” Willow stated.

So don't try to deny it pretty Baby  
You've been down so long, you can hardly see  
When the engine's stalled and it won't stop rainin'  
It's the right time to roll to me  
Roll to me  
Roll to me

“Fine, I have a type. By your lot does too. Demon magnet,” He said pointing to Xander, “You only date people who speak less than the poof” He added pointing to Willow.

“I admit I have a type.” Xander smiled.

“By the great forces of deductive reasoning, and your twisted lots version of logic the next thing I know you’ll be setting me up with the Whelp.” Spike snarled.

And I don't think  
I have ever seen a soul so in despair  
So if you want to talk the night through  
(Ooh)  
Guess who will be there?  
(Aaa)

Willow’s eyes lit up, “That’;s a great idea!”

“I was joking. Xan, talk some sense into the crazy bird.” Spike panicked. 

“Actually I think she’s onto something. I went through that whole gay me up thought process, maybe I should date a boy demon. I’m a tall brunette and many people question my sanity. This entire idea is proof of that” Xander mused.

“But Vampire... Grr scary. You hate vampires.” Spike pleaded.

So look around your world pretty Baby  
Is it everything you hoped it'd be  
The wrong guy, the wrong situation  
The right time to roll to me  
The right time to roll to me  
The right time to roll to me  
Ooh

 

Xander just gave Spike a soft chaste kiss and winked at him over his shoulder as he walked to the back room.

“Think about it.” He called over his shoulder to a stunned Spike.


	27. Lovelorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Somebody to Love  
> Rating: T'  
> SOng for the day: Somebody to Love  
> Author: New_unchanged

Xander: What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay.   
Willow: What?   
Xander: You heard me. Just tell me what to do. I'm mentally undressing Scott Bakula right now. That's a start, isn't it?   
Andrew Wells: [wistfully] Captain Archer...   
Xander: Come on, let's get this gay show on the gay road. Help me out here.   
Buffy: What if you just start attracting male demons?   
Dawn: Clem always liked you. 

Can anybody find me somebody to love?  
Each morning I get up I die a little  
Can barely stand on my feet  
Take a look in the mirror and cry  
Lord what you're doing to me  
I have spent all my years in believing you  
But I just can't get no relief,  
Lord!  
Somebody, somebody  
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

“Fine, no gaying me up, but how about a set up? A nice normal blind date? I can trust you guys not to set me up with a demon right?” Xander whined.

“Well not on purpose anyways.” Buffy snerked. 

“What’s wrong with demons? I thought we had a long and fruitful relationship until you stood me up at the altar. That was your fault not mine. I am still open to dating humans” Anya tiraded affronted.

I work hard every day of my life  
I work till I ache my bones  
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own -  
I get down on my knees  
And I start to pray  
Till the tears run down from my eyes  
Lord - somebody - somebody  
Can anybody find me - somebody to love?

 

“Throwing in the towel so soon?” Willow asked.  
“Well given Xander’s track record, I can safely say that this might be for the best”, Giles remarked.

“That’s not fair, don’t Xan deserve somebody to love?” Willow replied.

(He works hard)

Everyday - I try and I try and I try -  
But everybody wants to put me down  
They say I'm goin' crazy  
They say I got a lot of water in my brain  
Got no common sense  
I got nobody left to believe  
Yeah - yeah yeah yeah

“Thank you Willow, You know I’ve taken more runs around the romance track lately than anyone else and I can’t seem to find the one.”

“Maybe a setup isn’t a bad idea.” Buffy said.

“Well we need to find him someone who is strong enough to protect him. We also need to find someone who has a lot of stamina as Xander has a very high sex drive.” Anya added.

“Xan, how serious before when you wanted to have me ‘gay you up”?” Willow asked.

“About 50/50. I am more penis ambivalent than anything else.” 

Oh Lord  
Somebody - somebody  
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Got no feel, I got no rhythm  
I just keep losing my beat  
I'm ok, I'm alright  
Ain't gonna face no defeat  
I just gotta get out of this prison cell  
Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!

“What about Spike, you always said he was strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled. Plus the hate has seemed to go out of your relationship.” Buffy said with a giggle.

“Oh, he’s quite good in bed too.” Anya said.

“At least he won’t tie me to his torture wheel.” Xander dead panned.

“Not on the first date anyway” Spike commented from the doorway.

Find me somebody to love  
Can anybody find me somebody to love?


	28. Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Do You Know  
> Chapter: Day 28 of 28 of my Songfic Challenge, Stand alone piece  
> Pairing: Spike/Xander  
> Rating: PG 13, Nothing Exciting, but I use harsh language  
> Concrit: Comments only  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, the lyrics to the songs, or anything else.  
> Warnings: M/M Paring, but this is a Spander Community so....  
> Summary: Based on the following prompt from Lady Q: write a story where Xander accedently pops in on Spike while his is sleeping  
> Notes: The Song used for this day is The Ping Pong Song- Enrique Iglasias  
> Challenge: Write a Songfic a day for the entire month of February. Based on a prompt from Lady Q: Write a story or a series of stories based on the 25 most played songs on your ipod. Songs can be shuffled or in order up to the writer.

Xander was miserable. He had been dating Spike in secret for about two months. It was a great two months. It all ended in a horrible mess. See, the thing with secret relationships is that eventually no matter how hard you try they can’t stay secret. Spike decided that screwing him in private was one thing, but letting Buffy know about it was another. He compared it to seeing Harmony- they slept together because it was convenient, but Spike wasn’t going to advertise the fact like it was something to be proud of.

Do you know [x3]

[Chorus]  
Do you know what it feels like  
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.  
(Do you know [x3])  
Do you know what it feels like  
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

Do you know [x4]  
Do ya

It was all too much for Xander. He had done the ashamed running around. He had done the one sided love thing. He wasn’t going to stick around with someone just for sex. He could finally say he had more pride than that.

It hurt more than words could say that Spike didn’t seem broken up when it ended. Xander was still silently screaming on the inside. It sucked that he and Spike had to see eachother everyday. That Xander had to put on a happy face and deal with it. It sucked even more that Xander was being forced to drop off a box of texts in Fayrl and some blood to Spike’s crypt so he could read them when he woke up. At least he wouldn’t have to talk to him.

If birds flying south is a sign of changes  
At least you can predict this every year.  
Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly  
I can't get it to speak  
Maybe finding all the things it took to save us  
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me  
Look in your eyes to see something about me  
I'm standing on the edge and I don't know what else to give.

When Xander made it to Spike’s crypt he let himself in. There wasn’t a sign that anyone was home, so Xander figured Spike was sleeping somewhere else or he was downstairs in the lower level of the crypt. Xander was going to just drop the box and leave but temptation got the better of him. 

[Chorus]  
Do you know what it feels like  
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.  
(Do you know [x3])  
Do you know what it feels like  
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

He knew even as he ascended the stairs to the lover level of Spikes crypt. He just needed to peek in and make sure Spike was there- that he hadn't moved on to someone elses bed.

Do you know [x4]  
Do ya  
How can I love you [x4]  
If you just don't talk to me, babe.

Xander relaxed for a second when he saw Spike asleep in his bed. His breath caught in his throat, Spike looked so angelic in his sleep. It was so ironic considering how far from an angel Spike was. It hurt so much that he had resorted to stealing sights like this when they were once freely given to him.

It flows through my head  
The question is she needed  
And decide all the man I can ever be.  
Looking at the last 3 years like I did,  
I could never see us ending like this.

Things had been so good. They were getting along and having fun. The sex was killer. They just fit together. It made Xander rethink whether he made the right choice throwing it away because he wanted more. He just didn’t know if he was the kind of man who could live in shadows.

(Do you know)  
Seeing your face no more on my pillow  
Is a scene that's never happened to me.  
(Do you know)  
But after this episode I don't see,  
you could never tell the next thing life could be

Xander wondered if he would ever find someone to love him the same way he loved them. It always seemed to be unequal on one side or the other. What was the point anyway? He was probably going to die tripping over his feet in battle like everyone expected of him. Its odd how he thought Spike might have been the one.

[Chorus]  
Do you know what it feels like  
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.  
(Do you know [x3])  
Do you know what it feels like  
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed

He sighed and gave Spike a soft kiss on his forehead\ taking care not to wake him. He then climbed back upstairs resolved that he wouldn’t allow himself to pine for Spike anymore. He was going to move on if it killed him.

Do you know [x3]

 

When Spike woke that night he was in a bad mood. He dreamed of Xander all morning of soft kisses and time spent well wasted. It felt so real that he even thought he could smell Xander’s scent wafting softly about his crypt.


End file.
